World According to Jewelz

It's Divine

2009-12-17T21:11:00.002-05:00

Years ago, at a family Christmas celebration, my brother-in-law (who happens to be an AMAZING musician) shared this little gem with the rest of us. He claimed that a guy had come into the studio where he occasionally works and gave them a "demo" CD. We then listened to it and seriously? It felt like our ears were bleeding afterwards! Since then, I've played the CD numerous times for people and have now found it on YouTube with an incredible Lip-Sync video. So without further ado, enjoy "O Holy Night" and have a Wonderful Holiday Season!!!

Happy Holly-Daze!

2009-12-08T18:49:00.007-05:00

We're getting close to my second favorite holiday of the year....the first being my birthday (of course! and by the way, why the hell hasn't Hallmark got it printed on their stupid little purse calendars yet???).
Anydoodle...one of my favorite parts of the Christmas holiday season is all of the parties and get-togethers that we attend. I LOVE a good reason to snag a yummy cocktail, and Christmas parties have some of the best themed cocktails that just don't taste as good at any other time of the year. What better way to make the spirit bright than to imbibe many "spirits"??
Here are a few of my faves:

Bailey's Snowball:
2 oz. Baileys Original Irish Cream (25 oz. per bottle)
.25 oz. raspberry liqueur
1 splash(es) grenadine

Bailey's Minty Mistletoe:

2 oz. Baileys Original Irish Cream (25 oz. per bottle)
.25 oz. Rumple Minze (25 oz. per bottle)

Black Dream Martini:
1 oz. Smirnoff Black Cherry Flavored Vodka (25 oz. per bottle)
1 oz. Godiva Mocha Liqueur (25 oz. per bottle)
.5 oz. milk
1 splash(es) grenadine

And a few more recipes without the gratuitous pictures, but still fully capable of providing a full-blown drunken stupor just in time for all of the family gatherings:

SKYY Candy Cane:

3/4 oz SKYY Berry vodka
3/4 oz Peppermint Schnapps
3/4 oz white Crème de Cacao
1/4 oz grenadine
half and half
Soda water
Preparation:
Pour the vodka, Peppermint Schnapps, white Creme de Cacao and grenadine into a cocktail shaker with ice.
Shake well.
Pour into a cocktail glass rimmed with crushed peppermint candy.
Fill with half and half.
Top with a splash of soda water.

Aspenlicious:

2 parts Pearl Lo Coco (Coconut) Vodka
1/2 part Amaretto
1/2 part Coffee Liqueur
1/2 part rum
1/2 part Irish Crème
splash Half & Half
dash chocolate syrup
topped with grated white chocolate
Preparation:
Coat a martini glass with the dark chocolate syrup.
Wet the rim with chocolate syrup and dip in grated white chocolate.
In a pint glass, mix liquid ingredients with ice, shake and strain into chocolate-coated glass.
Garnish with the grated chocolate on the surface of the cocktail.

Frostbite:
1 1/2 oz tequila
1/2 oz white crème de cacao
1/2 oz blue curaçao
1/2 oz cream
maraschino cherry for garnish
Preparation:
Pour the ingredients into a cocktail shaker with ice.
Shake well.
Strain into a chilled cocktail glass or in an ice-filled old-fashioned glass.
Garnish with a maraschino cherry

They're all a tad on the sweet side, but what the hell? It's the holidays....pack on those pounds! You'll be drunk when you make your New Year's Resolution to lose all of the extra weight you gained anyway, so it's not like you're going to be held accountable!

New Take on an Old Classic!

2009-11-28T19:11:00.002-05:00

Gotta love it....

If Turkeys Ruled the Earth...

2009-11-26T10:40:00.001-05:00

Food for Thought...hahaha

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!!!!!!

The Cheese Wins

2009-11-10T18:19:00.003-05:00

Spent the past two days at a training session to learn some pretty cool new strategies to help struggling readers. Good stuff.
Lunch was provided for us on both days....yesterday's lunch was a yummy chicken wrap, tortilla chips and salsa, salad, and a cookie all from "On the Border".....mmmmmm good!
Today's lunch was also from "On the Border". Oooookaaaay....not a whole lot of creativity going into the lunch planning, but I wasn't going to complain about a free meal and yesterday's lunch was pretty yummy.
Today's lunch? Cheese enchiladas, nacho chips with melted cheese, refried beans with melted cheese, and a tossed salad with shredded cheese. Ummmm....not so good for me since I'm LACTOSE INTOLERANT!
However, I decided to tempt the fates since this was the only food being provided and I was starving.
Flash forward to about 30 minutes after eating lunch....gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. And guess who spent the majority of the rest of training in the bathroom?
That was money that my district literally flushed down the drain....both for the food and the cost for me to attend the training since I was basically "missing in action" for the afternoon session.

Next time I attend a training, I'll be packing my own lunch thank you very much.

Let's Hear the Collective "Eeeewww!"

2009-10-19T19:42:00.003-04:00

Being a second grade teacher, I see a LOT of nasty little habits throughout the day....nosepicking, booger-eating, eating food off of the floor, palm-licking, kids sneezing and having globs of snot streaming down from their nose onto their lips, etc. It may sound like I've got an awful lot of neurotic imps in my room, but seriously? Those kinds of behaviors are VERY typical in a lower elementary classroom...when I see a kid engaging, it barely even registers anymore. (Although I'm very diligent about handing a kleenex to the kid who is digging for gold in his nose, or rushing a snot-streamer over to the sink).

Anyway....I've been teaching 20 years and I figured I'd pretty much seen it all.

Until last week.

I witnessed an act that was soooo disgusting it actually made my gag reflex kick in.

I've managed, over the course of time, to learn how to control my gag reflex. This has been a job necessity because I've had lots of kids throw pukers in my room, and I've been FORCED to choke back my own bile. It's not easy, let me tell you...but I give myself kudos for mastering my gagging.

(Side note: about 10 years ago, my class managed to shut down our school computer lab for a week. How? The kids sit in rows of 5 computers....one little girl puked all over her keyboard, the boy next to her saw it and then he puked, and so on down the line. I had a few sprinkled around the room who also lost their proverbial lunches due to the exteme vomit-y smell that permeated the computer lab in a matter of seconds. They had to send all of those computers out to be cleaned, so the lab had to shut down. YET...I, somehow, through extreme willpower and shit-ass luck, was able to keep my cookies in my stomach even though I was surrounded by stomach chunkage.) So, as you can see...I clearly RULE as far as intestinal fortitude goes in second grade classrooms.

However, as I previously stated, what I saw last week had the gag reflex in full swing.

Imagine, if you will, a male student (we'll call him "Bobby") sitting quietly at his desk during writing time. He's concentrating fiercely on his epic journal entry...writing about going to his grandma's house and getting to play with her dogs. I just finished conferencing with him about using details to describe the dogs and the games he played with them. I move over to work with another student who sits near "Bobby". As I'm talking with "Bobby's" neighbor, I casually look over to see how "Bobby" is doing. And...WHOA doggies! What in the HELL???
As "Bobby" is diligently writing in his journal, his non-writing hand is stuck in the back of his pants, down into the under-grundies, scratching away at his butt. We're talking major SCRATCHING. Then, just as I'm about to quietly whisper in his ear to stop doing that and go wash his hands, little "Bobby" pulls the hand out and PUTS HIS FINGERS IN HIS MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

Once I'd swallowed my breakfast (for the second time), I was able to discreetly coerce "Bobby" into going into the bathroom to wash his hands. I made a quick (and quiet) little phone call to our school counselor to ask her advice on how to handle it. You know what she said???? "Oh...is he still doing that? He used to do that in first grade too." HOLY CRAP!!!! So I told her that it was IMPERATIVE that we do something to nip this little behavior and that perhaps she might want to take "Bobby" for little chats now and again to talk about hygiene and healthy habits. Perhaps she might want to talk to "Bobby's" mom and see if he's doing this at home. I don't know...but to be so casual about it? I was dumbfounded!

And yes...to answer the question that's probably going through your mind, I've been watching him like a hawk since I saw it and he is STILL doing it! EWWWWWW!!!!! I'm working my way through a gigantic jug of hand sanitizer. If the counselor doesn't get on this, I'm afraid I'm going to have to call in mom...and that worries me. Mainly because if this kid does this at school (and it's an unconscious thing...I don't think he even realizes that he's doing it), then you KNOW he's doing it at home...and apparently nobody is putting a stop to it...so does mom think it's okay????
I'm not looking forward to this conversation. I mean, when a kid is a nose-picker, or even a booger-eater, I can simply say to the parent, "I'm trying to help Suzy remember to use a tissue. We want to break her of the habit before she begins getting teased by her classmates." And usually the parent nods his head, or rolls her eyes and says, "Oh! We've been trying to get her to stop doing that!" and we share the frustration of breaking nasty habits.
BUT....how in the hell do I approach "Bobby's" mother? "Hi, Mrs. Bobby....I've noticed that your son likes to scratch the hell out of his ass crack and then put his fingers in his mouth. Have you seen him doing this at home?"

SHIT! (no pun intended)

If Only It Were This Easy...

2009-10-05T19:12:00.002-04:00

Loved this photo....go see more at More Cool Pictures.

The Big Day!

2009-09-17T18:16:00.006-04:00

So yesterday was MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!! It was a fabulicious day filled with lots of pampering, attention, and, of course, presents!!!!!!!!!

And the fun doesn't end yet...I still have get-togethers with friends planned in order to celebrate MY BIRTHDAY and to get more presents!!!!!!!

Here are a couple of highlights from yesterday....

THE CAKE: made for me by a wonderful friend that works in the school office

THE FLOWERS: delivered to me AT WORK from my sweet Hubby and the babies, Roameo & Touji

THE OBSESSION: further fueled by my adoring fans who gave me even MORE Hello Kitty goodies for MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

And now for a message from our sponsors....

2009-09-14T18:46:00.003-04:00

In all of the craziness of my summer...

In all of my haste to hurry and get to September already because THAT'S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!!!!

In all of the chaos that starting a new school year brings....

I forgot something very important.

We added four feet to our household....furry ones belonging to a little baby girl! She was dumped on the porch at our vet clinic back in May WHILE IN ACTIVE LABOR!!!! Who the hell does that kind of thing????

Anyway....she gave birth (by ceasarian) to four babies who all were placed in loving homes at the end of August. That left the mama kitty with no home and nobody to love. In walked me and Hubby with SUCKER stamped on our foreheads. She acted all sweet and lovey and charmed her way into our hearts. She's only 15 months old and is the cutest little thing.

So we brought her home to see if it would work out with Roameo. He hasn't quite figured her out, but he hasn't made a meal out of her...yet. However, she may be courting disaster and cruising for a serious ass-kicking because she keeps running up behind him and swatting his butt before running away. He appears to be calling on a myriad of saints to give him patience...but we all have our limit.

She's a holy terror and the lovey-dovey stuff was apparently all an act. She bites, kicks, tears up carpet, scratches furniture, constantly pesters for food, and uses our bodies as trampolines (usually at around 3:00 in the morning or when our bladders are fit to burst).

We absolutely adore her!

So without further ado, here she is:

Little Miss Touji (Toe-gee...which is Japanese for "lady", which she most certainly is NOT).

And So It Begins....Part Deux

2009-09-02T18:50:00.017-04:00

It's September!!!!!! And do you know what that means???? It's my birthday month!!!

In case you're in the dark about this (which is hard to believe if you live in the free world), then read this post , or this post, or this post, this one , or even this one .

Summer in Pictures

2009-08-31T10:28:00.010-04:00

This summer wasn't exactly a 'restful' summer. If my scads of readers (read: three) remember, most of it was spent either at the hospital or at my mother-in-law's house helping her recuperate. The whole family has been wonderful and she's doing soooo much better!
There were a few trips during the summer, so here are some photos of the highlights because I'm too damn lazy to do a write up of anything.

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA July 2009

UPPER PENINSULA, MICHIGAN AUGUST 2009

BRISTOL, TENNESSEE (NASCAR RACE) AUGUST 2009

Food, copious amounts of liquor, and lots of fun were central points in all three get-aways.

DEB-utante

2009-07-20T15:46:00.004-04:00

I hadn't planned on posting until next week when I would write about my San Diego trip, but this post wormed its way into my day today....so I had to write it.

In the past, I have written about my adorably cute and petite feet and the difficulty I have finding shoes to fit them in a town filled with people who can use their feet for downhill skiing adventures. "Small feet" here in Grand Rapids, Michigan would refer to people with size 7.5 or 8 shoe size. The fact that I wear a 5.5-6 size shoe puts me in the category of "freak".

To help clarify my experience today, I need to fill in a little bit of information that may not be particularly interesting, but puts things in a better perspective.

This coming weekend I am required to go to another union event filled with meetings. However, there is also a banquet for honorees and people retiring from the Board of Directors that will be taking place. The state of dress for this banquet runs the gamut from "cluelessly casual" to "overly attired" and all things in between. Seriously, one year there was a lady in jean capris and a tunic shirt sitting at the same table as a woman wearing what I would have sworn was a prom dress.

My own attire tends to be in the middle range....a nice dress, some cute shoes and accessories, and hair styled to look "messy dressy". This year, I will be sporting a "too die for" lime green with white floral print sleeveless sheath dress that has a sweet hot-pink ribbon belt. Very summery and very pretty without going overboard.

Hubby will tell you that my shoe collection could rival Imelda Marcos', and I may have to agree since I could probably go 3-4 months wearing a different pair of shoes each day and never repeating them. However, I do not (I SWEAR) have a pair of shoes to match this particular dress. Having never worn the dress before, I didn't think about it.

So, since we took a day off from going to the hospital, I set out in search of the perfect pair of shoes to complement my dress. Normally shopping is Nirvana for me....I would put it at the top of a list entitled "Favorite Hobbies/Past-times"....right up there with getting pampered and receiving presents. I can shop until I literally drop...and while I am definitely a bargain hunter, I do have my standards as to which stores I will frequent and help boost the economy.

I set off figuring I would be able to find some cute pink kitten heeled sandals or wedge-heeled espadrilles with little to no problem since it is summer, afterall, and pink is a great summer color. Apparently I was mistaken.

Macy's: cheapest pair of pink wedge slingbacks? Marc by Marc Jacobs...$125...none in my size to boot (not that I would have parted with that much moolah if I'm being honest).
Kohls: not a pink pair of shoes to be found.
Nordstroms: Again, no pink shoes in my size.
DSW: found one pair of fuchsia slingbacks that would work in a pinch (size 6.5...a little roomy, but could be made to work). The color wasn't quite right, but I figured between the lime green, white floral, and my fabulous self in between, nobody would really notice. BUT...I decided to keep looking.
TJ MAXX: because they DO have designer shoes at a discount...however, not pink ones and not in my size.

Getting desperate, I entered the "Kiss of Death" store for any mall,
Payless Shoes: and there I found a very cute, very stylish pair of kitten heeled mules that were the perfect shade of pink to accent the ribbon belt on my dress. They were in the window. I asked the clerk about them...turns out they were the only pair left in the store and were a size 8. I asked about other Payless stores in the area...could she check for me. Sure...smallest size available (in 5 stores, mind you) was a 7.5. SONOFABITCH!!!!!!!!!!

Granted, the banquet dinner isn't until next week, but I don't really have a lot of time, at this point, to spend hunting down a pair of shoes to wear to one stinking banquet!!!! I had about given up hope and then....I saw it. A store that I would sooner die than enter...a store that literally REEKS of plastic and DRIPS in neon...a store that sells items that are so incredibly crappy, they will disintegrate to dust in your bag the minute you step past the security device at the door...a store that is appealing to young juniorettes because they can actually afford to use their allowance and babysitting money to buy things and still have money left over. The blasphemous store that I refer to is....wait for it....
DEB.
If you like this store, you and I will sadly never be friends.

But there, in the front of the store, was a shoe display and on the top rack was a pair of perfectly pink, patent leather, kitten heeled thong sandals....in a size 6....and on sale...and the only pair left. And so, I gathered up my courage, looked around to make sure I didn't recognize anyone in the mall, and zipped in to buy them.

The clerk cheerfully informs me that it's a "Buy one, get one half off" and wouldn't I "like to find something else?" Uhhh...no...just the shoes...ring me up please and be quick about it!!!! She puts the shoes in a bag the size of Texas that has DEB written ALL OVER IT. I wrap the bag around the shoe box in order to attempt to conceal it, and I scurry out of the store like a roach in a floodlight.

I fully expect to receive an anonymous letter in the mail with a grainy black and white photo of me exiting the DEB store and the word "HYPOCRITE" in blazing neon letters written above it.

P.S. I double checked the shoes with the dress when I returned home and guess what? They are PERFECT!

Coming Soon to a Blog Near You

2009-07-20T13:50:00.003-04:00

Update: Mother-in-law STILL in hospital, but may be getting discharged later this week. 6 FREAKING WEEKS....unbelievable!!! She has been through hell and back, but has been an inspiringly brave woman through it all. I have a new-found respect for her.

And since all of my three readers are probably sitting on the edges of your seats wondering when I may actually post a REAL blog entry, I have news for you....
next week (when I get two minutes to myself), I have planned a detailed synopsis (in several parts) of my trip to San Diego during the time period of June30-July 6. I enjoyed my time there as much as I could considering the drama that was going on back here in Michigan. But, per usual, I got into some trouble as well....it seems to follow me around on trips.

Hugs, kisses, and much appreciation for the continued support and sweet notes regarding my mother-in-law....
jewelz

MIA

2009-07-10T11:56:00.002-04:00

Sorry....I'm still out of commission with my blogging right now. My mother-in-law is starting her FOURTH (yes, you read that correctly) week at the hospital following her aortic valve replacement and triple bypass. She has had just about every complication under the sun happen to her. The doctors always preface their statements with, "You fall into the small percentage of patients who blah, blah, blah" and then they start streaming forth medical lingo about why she isn't popping back to good health. The surgery was a success...but in the meantime she's had bloodclots, a pacemaker put in, a titanium filter put in her neck to keep blood clots from going into her aorta, a purple leg filled with blood clots that they said 'may have to be amputated' (but luckily, she's out of that danger zone)...and the list goes on. Needless to say, things have been turned upside down, spun around, and sideways around here as of late.
I will get back to regularly scheduled blogging once life settles back into somewhat of a routine!

Thanks to my friends in the real world and the blogosphere who continue to send forth well wishes! I soooo appreciate all of you!

Hiatus

2009-06-19T21:32:00.002-04:00

Not going to be blogging for a few days....my mother-in-law had to have open heart surgery (unexpectedly) yesterday afternoon. She had an aortic valve replacement and a triple bypass. We're very thankful that she came through just fine! However, we've been spending our days at the hospital with her, and that's going to continue until she gets discharged. Therefore, I'm not going to be very up-to-date on my posting until next week.
Please send out positive vibes :) for good healing!!!

The "Log" #1

2009-06-16T23:31:00.002-04:00

So Day One of Dr. Natura Colonix program....
1) woke up, took two tablets (liver, kidney, colon cleanser) with a full glass of water and about puked. I HATE drinking water first thing in the morning.
2) waited 15 minutes and then drank 1/2 scoop of this herbal fiber (the stuff that creates a spongy mass in your colon to help dredge out waste that has accumulated over the years) and mixed it with my chocolate flavored soymilk. Not too bad.
3) had to drink another full glass of water and again about puked...did I mention that I detest drinking water in the a.m.????
4) ate my mini bagel for breakfast and had my one cup of coffee (pretty much routine)
5) attempted to drink my 64 oz. of water today....that's a helluvalot of water....I had no idea I was soooo bad at keeping myself hydrated. However, I couldn't stick with just water....I figured 'fluids' could count. So I had one diet coke, 2 glasses of Crystal Light, and 4 glasses of water. I peed a LOT today.
6) took my two Probiotic tablets just a little bit ago (to help keep the healthy bacteria in your colon during the cleanse) and had to drink this stuff called "Kleri-Tea". I'm not a tea drinker...not in any way, shape, or form. I had to drink a cup (8 oz) of this tea before I head up to bed because it will supposedly 'stimulate' the bowels. This brings up a big fear of mine with this program...I'm going to wake up in the middle of the night with the scoots. I'll get up so fast because of the urgent need to go, that my vertigo will hit. Then I'll fall flat on the floor and will inevitably poo all over myself.
7) So far, the worst part is the drinking the two glasses of water in the a.m. I gagged the tea down, but I didn't feel like I was going to hork it back up like I did this morning with the H2O.

Stay tuned....

Fitness Fridays #....oh, wtf!!!

2009-06-15T22:57:00.010-04:00

yea, yea...it's Monday and I'm posting...so, I'm not so great on this whole Fitness Fridays thing. I give major kudos to Stacey over at Touched By Madness because she totally ROCKS with her commitment. I on the other hand? not so much.

I got the surgical SuperClog off on Tuesday, and I've definitely been more active...but didn't actually log time doing exercise. I can say that I've eaten much healthier this past week which was one of my goals. And I've done something that I've enjoyed every day...like sitting outside and reading, hanging out with friends, going out to lunch with my sister, shopping, etc. And that was another of my goals. Two outta three ain't so bad, is it?

However, I also embarked on a new journey with my sister (Bear). She and I both got hit last summer with that terrible flu (Noro Virus) that went through our beach house. I kept getting sick and I was hospitalized later in the summer with continued stomach issues. We both have had numerous dr. visits and tests run to rule out any variety of digestive ailments. No go on anything.

SO....a hospital technician suggests to Bear that she try some natural holistic medicine for digestive problems. And Bear shares this information with me. A handshake to seal the deal later, and we've both ordered (and received) Dr. Natura Colonix program. We are TERRIFIED to start this, but we've shelled out the bucks and are going to start the program together tomorrow (Tuesday) and follow it for one month. Now, if you visit the Dr. Natura website, do not for a second think that I'm going to be posting that testimonial crap (no pun intended)...and I most definitely will NOT be posting pictures. BUT (butt), because many of you know that I do like to talk about poo, I will probably be telling y'all about my experience.

Since I'm already sucking up the joint on the Fitness Fridays theme, I'm going to change things up and instead will be doing a log (again, no pun intended) about my experience with this program. I've heard good things....regularity (which would be new and different for me), less bloating, flatter stomach, weight loss, and more energy. It's my hope that I'll achieve all of these things!

I'm not going to get graphic...that's just icky. But I may be talking about poo more than I normally do! Wish me luck....and if you want to donate toilet paper, I'll give you my address.

Fitness Fridays #3

2009-06-06T10:05:00.005-04:00

So here we are on Fitness Friday #3...except I'm posting on Saturday because I was out CELEBRATING the fact that yesterday was my last day of school at Alcatraz! Hallelujah!

Summer break starts for me today and with it a whole new outlook....health and well-being!

So...how did I do on my goals this week? Let's take a look-see:

#1) Do 15 consecutive sit-ups at least 4 days out of the week: Mostly. I did it 3 days this week. It was HARD, people. I have not-so-steel-like abs. The first 5 situps were pretty easy and I was all, "Hey, this isn't so bad!" Then I hit 6-10 and I was, "Woo...this is kind of hard." 11-15 just about killed me...I was SHAKING. How sad is that?

#2) Make healthy food choices: Um....not so much. At school this past week we had 2 Kindergarten graduations, a 5th grade graduation, a Retirement party, and our End-of-the-Year gathering. The graduations and Retirement party all had cake with lots of leftovers that made their way to the teacher's lounge. I'm really not a fan of cake....can pretty much walk away from cake at any time and not feel the slightest twinge of desire. HOWEVER, frosting is a completely different story. So I managed to probably consume about a gallon of frosting. People know that I like the thick, sugary sweetness of frosting and so they scrape it off of their cake and give it to me and I give them my actual cake in return. PLUS, there was alcohol consumption twice this week. Oops.

3) Positive thinking: I managed this one just fine. Everyday I was thinking "today is my last (insert name of day) with the juvenile delinquents!" That made what could have been a hellish week a real spark of sunshine!!!! I was VERY positive all week long :)

So, goals for this coming week? Let's see....
#1) I'll be getting my surgical shoe off on Tuesday, so I'm going to add 30 minutes of treadmill walking 3 times this week. I will also continue with my initial goal of 15 consecutive sit-ups 4 days this week.

#2) EAT HEALTHY....this is a no-brainer considering the epic fail of this particular goal this past week. Fortunately, I won't be around frosting.

#3) Do something that I really enjoy each day as a positive for myself. Seriously, folks, this past school year really did a number on me. I have always been passionate about teaching, and it was all I could do to drag myself in to work each day. It was a 'bummer year' and it truly felt like I was in a grieving process all year long because I felt so overwhelmed with negativity about my job. SO....I really need to amp myself up with good things this summer and see if I can get my mind back to a good place.

So there they are....the three goals for this week! Hooray!

p.s. One of my parents actually gave me an end of the year gift of Svedka Vodka and Cosmopolitan mix. How cool is that? She thanked me for all of my patience and figured I could use a nice night of drunken frivolity. I officially love her now.

Fitness Fridays #2

2009-05-29T22:48:00.005-04:00

Okey-dokey....here's the part where I report back and tell you how I did on this past week's 3 baby-step fitness goals. And then I make 3 new goals for the coming week.

1.) Do 15 situps consecutively at least 4 times this week...EPIC FAIL. Not to make excuses, but I had a WEEK FROM HELL at school this past week. I had a bunch of afterschool commitments, and by the time I got home I was exhausted. Granted, I probably would have felt better if I'd followed through on this because I would have been doing something positive for myself to de-stress, but instead I came home and completely 'unhooked' from life.

2.) Make healthy food choices....SO-SO. I did my typical healthy eating at breakfast and lunch. However, I was getting home later and skipped dinner...which meant that I munched on crap.

3.) Take time to think of positives each day for a healthier mindset...EPIC FAIL. I bitched so much this past week about my class and about all of the extras that I had going on after hours, that I probably created another hole in the ozone with all of my hot air. One of my kids got suspended today for the remainder of the school year because IN ONE DAY he: used the "N-word", called the busdriver a bitch, called another kid an asshole, told a student to 'suck my balls', AND punched a classmate in the throat.

So what's next? Well....I should probably master these first three goals before I set new ones. Therefore, I'm going to repeat these same goals for this week and will report back in next Friday to see how I did. I have determination to turn those EPIC FAILS into GREAT SUCCESSES.

Here's to a new week....CHEERS!!!

Fitness Fridays #1

2009-05-23T10:17:00.002-04:00

Stacey, over at Touched By Madness, has started a new ongoing post theme called Fitness Fridays. I've decided to join her, although I'll be starting in VERY baby steps because I'm still recovering from my foot surgery. Here's the basic gist of the theme:

First, choose three goals for yourself that are reasonably challenging, yet attainable. Goals can be anything from “taking the stairs instead of the elevator” to “completing this weekend’s marathon.” Whatever is right for you. Fitness goals can also include eating smarter or getting an adequate amount of sleep. Basically anything that makes you a healthier you.
Once you’ve thought of your goals, post them on your blog so you are accountable to work on them over the next week. If you don’t have a blog, write them down on paper and post them on your wall, fridge, etc.
Finally, let other participants know about your goals so we can offer encouragement and congrats as you make progress.

So here are my three baby-step goals for this week:

1) Do 15 situps, consecutively (NO BREAKS) at least 4 times this week. (Seriously...this isn't such a baby-step for me, I've got 'abs of anything-but-steel'...but I want a challenge!)
2) Make healthy food choices (I'm actually decent at this already, BUT when I binge on something it ain't a pretty sight)
3) Take time to think of positives each day for a healthier mindset (again, I'm usually okay with this, but with the school year coming to a close, I find that it's been a rather negative year for me...health issues and crappy kids....so I'm going to try to be a bit more balanced!)

I'd love to go for loftier goals, but like Stacey said in her post....sometimes we slack on those and then give up altogether.
Since I do have a gimp-foot, I can't go too overboard on the physical stuff just yet. So I'm heading into mental health territory...yikers!

I'll update you next Friday and let you know how I did, plus add three new goals. Also...if you'd like to join Stacey and I, please let us know so that we can all encourage each other!

Packs a lotta punch

2009-05-17T21:10:00.002-04:00

Hard to believe something this small could be such a HUGE pain!!!

Hmmmm....

2009-05-14T18:07:00.003-04:00

This is totally going to impede my ability to properly accessorize with "to die for" footwear!

Happy Stay-cation!!!

2009-05-13T21:08:00.002-04:00

I can't remember, but I may (or may not) have mentioned that I was going to be having foot surgery today. I've had a Morton's Neuroma on my left foot for the past 10+ years or so. It's gradually worsened to the point that it didn't matter what kind of shoe I wore, the damn thing just plain hurt. I had done the whole accomodations thing (with the exception of having orthotics made....that seems too geriatric to me). I bought expensive shoes (Danskos....comfortable, yet still provide a fairly fashionable choice of footwear). I had corisone injections in my foot. I had a metatarsel pad. But as these things sometimes tend to do, nothing really worked.
SO....today I went in for outpatient surgery and had the damn thing cut out. I've got some good pain meds, which I'm particularly happy about, and they are keeping me in a nice state of "la-la land" for the most part.
However, the subject of this post is my "Stay-cation", because by having this particular procedure done, I get 6 whole days away from my classroom of inmates!!!!!!! Hooray for me!!!!!!! Add the weekend days and it adds up to 8 days of criminal-free bliss! ( I found out today that one of my more persistent 'thorns' called the substitute a bitch today...and it's only day 1. This bothered me a great deal, of course....but yet there was a part of me that thought, "Hey...he must respect me a little bit because he's never called me a bitch!...at least not to my face!)
I'm planning on enjoying my stay-cation in la-la land immensely....keep those drugs coming!

And so, with only 16-1/2 days of school left before summer break, I've actually only got 10-1/2 days....but who's counting?

Will I Never Learn???

2009-05-01T22:29:00.003-04:00

This past week I had a pretty icky cold...the stuffy head, congested chest, cough up a lung kind of cold. Which is probably why my vertigo has been especially "touchy" lately and my world has been on the "spinny" side the past few days. So I've been popping my Valium on a regular basis and my stomach is all out of sorts because I feel constantly queasy what with all the "spinny-ness".
Now, this little circumstance of the queasy tummy has led to a substantial weight loss for me over the last few months, which I'm of course absolutely THRILLED about...22 lbs. and counting. I'm not able to eat much without getting a clammy "I think I'm about to puke my guts up" feeling. On top of the queasy tummy issue, I'm also lactose intolerant which has been a HUGE issue for me....I love all things laden with lactose and have had a hard time accepting the fact that I simply cannot handle them.
There's the back story....
this weekend I've been in Lansing on union business. They provide meals for us which one would have to stretch their definition of edible food considerably to call them "meals". So I've been subsisting on even LESS food than I've been able to handle as of late.

SO, with all of those little factors in mind....it makes perfect sense that while popping valium and not eating much, I would find it to be in my best interest to down not one, not two, but THREE white russians on top of the other two cocktails that I'd imbibed earlier in the evening. RIGHT?
I'm learning my lesson AGAIN that I can't handle lactose (so white russians weren't the best drink of choice for me), drinking on an empty stomach can severely impair your good judgement (which I don't always have even on a good day), and definitely shouldn't be mixed with a steady stream of Valium.
Needless to say....I'm off to become better acquainted with my hotel room's bathroom facilities. After that, I think I'm going to have a VERY good night's sleep.

I Ain't No "Cougar"!!!

2009-04-24T23:14:00.003-04:00

So tonight was the annual SCHOOL CARNIVAL EXTRAVAGANZA!!!! All day long kids were hyped up on the sheer adrenalin rush of knowing that they would be getting to come back to school in the evening and play stupid games to win silly plastic prizes, get their faces painted, buy crappy food with tickets, and see their teachers "after hours". After 20 years of teaching, I've seen plenty of school carnivals and have lived through the excitement....nothing really fazes me.

EXCEPT tonight....I was working the popcorn machine (which, by the by, I will NEVER volunteer to do again....it's greasy and my pores are infused with eau de popcorn...BLECH!). One of my little guys came rushing up to me to let me know that he was finally there (I'd been waiting with baited breath and apparently he didn't think I saw him when he was waving at me frantically and I waved back). He then proceeded to tell me that his cousin thought I looked like I was 19 years old. PUH-LEEZ....I'm a hottie, sure, BUT I definitely don't look 19 by any stretch of the imagination.

So Little Man's cousin comes up behind him and he is all of 15 or 16 years old. He buys a bag of popcorn and sits on the bench across from the popcorn booth. He sits there for over an hour...staring at me and eating his popcorn. Meanwhile the little guy is literally yanking on his arm wanting his cousin to take him to play games, but no....cousin has to sit and STARE and say things like:

"Tell your teacher that I like her."
"Tell your teacher to give us some money."
"Tell your teacher to come over to my house when she's done working."
"Tell your teacher to hang with me."

FINALLY my shift is over and I work my way out of the crowd and head to the parking lot. Guess who follows me???? Big Cousin didn't say a word, but Little Man was still yanking on his arm....and he just stood on the sidewalk and STARED as I got into my car and drove away.

Seriously....what the hell is up with that???? That can't be typical teenage behavior....is it?

Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover...

2009-04-15T21:26:00.002-04:00

WOW! Check out this link...and be prepared to be absolutely blown away! I love underdog stories like this...makes my heart smile.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

"Taya" it isn't so....

2009-04-14T18:47:00.004-04:00

I am disappointed on an EPIC scale with the latest season of Bret Michaels' ROCK OF LOVE BUS. I think all of the girls on this season paled in comparison to last season's Ambre Lake (the 'winner' of Bret's love).

I don't watch a lot of t.v., and I don't watch many reality shows....but being the Classic Rocker gal that I am, I've been drawn to this particular show from the get go....He had me at "Every Rose Has Its Thorn".

The first season I was happy with Bret's decision to go with pink-punk-haired Jess. I really liked her and rooted for her from the start. But alas, she wasn't down with the whole rock-star relationship and cut him free on the finale show.

Second season, I was an Ambre fan beginning with the first episode. She continued to do a great job and won Bret's heart. She was beautiful and fun and really seemed like a 'girl next door' type. They dated for 10 months and then it fizzled.

So this season I was much more skeptical. Could Bret truly find his Rock of Love a third time? Is three times truly the charm???? I was cautiously hopeful for my rocker man, but given the line-up he had to choose from, I didn't believe it was going to happen. Lots of skanky blondes and some raunchy brunettes.

And then I watched him disposing of all of those fakers and liars one by one (although he is really swayed by big boobs....they tend to cause him to lose sight of his final goal) I thought that maybe he might have a chance.

I wasn't thrilled with any of the gals this season, but Mindy seemed pretty down-to-earth, and so I rooted for her. Yes, she whined and was a bit of a complainer....but she was cute, and sincere, and really seemed to be there for all of the right reasons...at least, for as much as a person goes on reality t.v. to be watched by millions of strangers while looking for true love in a matter of a few weeks (plus she had a cute southern twang).

And then there was Taya....a shameless self-promoter who was quick to put down other people in order to build herself up. Bret is a stepping stone for her....this poor old rocker is going to get used and abused by Miss Penthouse Pet.

Bret promises that he isn't going to do another season. I promise that I won't watch another season.

(But if he goes back on his promise, I'll probably go back on mine too.)

Mindy - Yay!!!

Taya - Nay!!!!!!!!!

A little dash of happy....

2009-04-02T13:04:00.002-04:00

After the week I've had, this just made me smile :)
My niece (who is an honor student at University of Michigan) made this film:

Conferences

2009-04-01T13:27:00.003-04:00

I've just spent the last two days running Parent/Teacher conferences for my "Little Alcatraz" classroom. I had several "Come to Jesus" meetings with parents of thug-wannabes and potential "Future Convicts of America". Keep in mind I'm talking about SECOND GRADERS who behave as if they have no moral code whatsoever. When I spoke to parents about expectations for behavior and their child's consistent and blatant disregard for said expectations (which isn't news to any of these parents because I have been in CONSTANT CONTACT with them), here are some of the responses I got:

"He doesn't know those words" (in reference to one of my kids calling another one a bitch while I was standing a few feet away and heard the whole thing)

"I don't know why he misbehaves because I tell him everyday to be good." (yea...that's effective...how about some follow-through consequences at home when he misbehaves at school????)

"Maybe you should hold her back this year so that she can learn how to behave." (because even though the child is doing FINE academically, apparently her mom thinks she should be retained to learn proper behavior....hmmmm...how about reinforcing proper behavior AT HOME???????)

And the best one....
"I keep telling him that he's gotta work hard so that he can be successful like his daddy." (FYI...Daddy is serving time in prison right now for dealing drugs.)

Teaching....it's a calling. I'm about ready to hang up!

The Crud....

2009-03-22T19:35:00.002-04:00

I've got it.
Started the week with a bladder infection (yeah...ya gotta love those!). Called my dr. and asked if I could just come in and give a urine sample so that they could prescribe an antibiotic....but no. He wanted me to come in for an appt. So I did...and I peed in a cup....and he prescribed me an antibiotic. So the bladder infection is gone now....which is good, because now I've got a major head/chest cold.
I'm coughing up my lungs and losing brain matter out of my nose. I'm pretty sure I'm headed to meet my maker...but at least I don't have the uncontrollable need to pee.

Wisdom from HBO

2009-03-15T12:25:00.003-04:00

Bill Maher....you gotta love this guy....he pisses people off on a fairly regular basis, and yet he says exactly what is on people's minds.
Watch this video....the last 2 minutes are particularly funny, and amazingly on target (per usual).

She's a Very Juicy Girl....

2009-03-11T19:45:00.003-04:00

Okay....so, I've got a somewhat obsessive/compulsive personality....and I love to shop....and my newest addiction is 'ghetto fabulous'...Juicy Couture (Made in the Glamourous USA). I've got an eagle eye for finding Juicy Couture deals left and right lately, and everytime I get a 'fix', it makes me want more. I've become a Juicy whore....

My Knight in Shining Armor!

2009-02-28T20:28:00.005-05:00

No...this isn't about Hubby....at least not this time.

It's about VERTIGO...AGAIN. But, after visiting my drs. office for my final "follow up" (dressed in pajamas because it was P.J.Day at school...that required some explanation), it was decided that my BPPV is probably going to be a consistent/persistent condition. That being the case, I don't get to get the WW-Smackdown treatment every week and I no longer have to live with that damn foam ring around my neck....although after sleeping without it last night, I woke up this morning with a crick in my neck...so it was at least good for preventing that while I was wearing it.

ANYDOODLE, I've been given a License to Chill!!!! For LIFE, people...for LIFE. What does she mean by that, you may ask. Well...anyone who knows me knows that I have certain fondness for narcotics, and even though this is a pretty low dosage, I've got a 'permanent' prescription for (drumroll please) VALIUM!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hoo-fucking-ray!!!!!!!

Now, since Valium is considered a controlled substance, my 'permanent' prescription simply means that I've got a bottle full, and whenever I run low, I can call the ol' doc and he'll call in another refill.

However, he did happen to mention that I wasn't allowed to take it 'just because'....damn him for knowing me so well! I have to have an actual reason...which would mean I would have to be suffering from an actual bout of vertigo, and not just getting the dizzies when I stand up too fast.
CRAP!

Oh well....in the meantime, I found these oh-so-fun images on Google that made me laugh....Prince Valium...my hero (swoon).

And finally....I would DEFINITELY wear these little swingers with pride and a definite sense of FLAIR!

Are you freaking kidding me???

2009-02-23T21:43:00.005-05:00

I went to my ENT Specialist today to get a follow-up on my PROCEDURE from last week. Overall it was a success....the vertigo has subsided significantly. I still have moments of instability, but people that I work with have told me that I actually look like I'm focusing on them when we make eye contact instead of looking past them at the wall that appeared to be wavering like a fun-house mirror.
HOWEVER, I'm still showing involuntary eye movement (nystagmus) when my head is tipped which means that my inner ear is still sending signals to my brain that the world is moving when it isn't. So guess what????? I get to wear the fucking neck brace for ANOTHER whole week.....isn't that GREAT news? I was so excited to hear that I get to continue with this fabulous accoutrement, especially because I'm pulling it off oh so well. Damn good thing that it's winter and I have tons of beautiful turtleneck sweaters. The fact that the necks are getting stretched out (reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where George's big head stretched the neck hole of some guy's sweater) and I look like a damn football player in drag makeup is just icing on the proverbial cake.
But here's the thing....my ENT guy is a 'grandfatherly type' of guy...nice as can be, very good-humored, and obviously cares a great deal about his patients (I might get a standing order for Prince Valium because I might still have some bouts of vertigo since this was a pretty intense case...how cool is that????). Anyway....when he explained that I needed to continue with the neckbrace restriction, I kind of rolled my eyes. And then the following conversation ensued:

Dr.: I take it you're not exactly thrilled with this prospect?

Me: Are you kidding? I mean, look at me? Could anyone make this neckbrace look better? I'm THRILLED to be having an honest excuse to keep up this look. (sarcastic tone couldn't have been ignored)

Dr.: (laughing) You have such a bouncy personality!

Me: (no comment....just a quizzical look on my face)

Dr.: You are just as cute as a bug's ear, you know that?

And then he proceeded to tell me about how I would probably continue to have the occasional episode of vertigo sporadically for the rest of my days because my BPPV is a "condition", not a one-time deal brought on by a head injury. I believe he used the word ideopathic. And whenever I have persistent vertigo for 3 or more consecutive days, I'm supposed to go in and see him and he'll do that lovely little PROCEDURE again on me.

So, as I was driving back to work from my appt, I kept going over in my head his comments about being bouncy and cute as a bug's ear. Seriously, I know he meant them as compliments...and the fact that he's kind of a grandpa kind of guy gets him off the hook a bit....but I ask you this....what 42 year old woman aspires to be likened to Tigger in the Hundred Acre Wood?
Of course, when I explained to my mom that I'd rather be considered "HOT" than "CUTE", her comment was...."You are obsessed with Hello Kitty....I don't think that's considered 'HOT'".
She has a point.
Well played, mama-cita...well played.

Whoa.....my brain hurts!

2009-02-20T22:49:00.000-05:00

On the count of three...1, 2, 3....

2009-02-17T12:15:00.004-05:00

So I survived my Epley Maneuver yesterday and it turns out I wasn't a Human Gyroscope afterall....thank you very much!!!!!!! Apparently those type of apparatus are used more at the research-type facilities like Johns Hopkins and Mayo Clinic, and aren't typically found in your general ENT Specialist's office. I was greatly relieved to find out that little tidbit of information.

HOWEVER, that isn't to say that the procedure wasn't excruciatingly uncomfortable and left me feeling like I'd just been the human equivalent of a raquet-ball. When I got to the drs. office, the nurse led me into this very nice, sterile room. She took my blood pressure (104/58...I have lower blood pressure anyways and I was obviously quite calm all things considered), and I asked her if this was the room where the procedure was going to take place. Her answer? "No...we have a special room for that." Wonder what my blood pressure reading would have been after hearing that?

Doc comes in, leads me down the hall to this room where there's simply a bench, a foot bar (for holding feet in place), and not much else. Hmmmmm.....I began to wonder what exactly was going to be "violent" about this procedure....I mean, those were my doctor's words..."it can be a somewhat violent procedure".

Nurse hooks me up to these HUGE scuba-diver type goggles that I can't see out of at all. It's like they were covered with that blurry contact paper that your grandparents used to line their bathroom windows with so that no-one could see them doing their bathroom duties. And just inside the goggles, surrounding the inside edges were all of these little lights. Apparently the goggles magnify my eyes and light everything up so that they can watch for the eye movements (nystagmus) caused by vertigo.

They have me skooch my cinnabons back toward the edge of the table, hook my feet under the foot bar, turn my head to the right, and tell me that on the count of three they're going to lean me back....that I am to stay relaxed because they have a good hold on me. Okely-dokely...so far, so good. 1....2.....3.....WHAM! I was literally SLAMMED backwards while the doctor looks into the googles and says 'how are you feeling right now'. As soon as I was able to answer without blowing chunks onto his white lab coat, I told him that I felt like I was just initiated into the World Wrestling Federation. And he calmly told me that my eyeballs were bouncing around like little superballs (which is what happens when your eyes are trying to keep up with the moving world that your brain is telling you is happening). By the way, "superball eyes" are NOT a normal reaction to body movement.

Then he says that they are going to sit me back up on the count of three...1...2...3...WHAM! I'm yanked back up and again my eyes are going haywire. Feels like my arms are getting yanked out of their sockets.

They repeat the same procedure on my left side, only there's no eyebouncing....apparently only my right side is being effected by this BPPV business which is pretty typical. However, I've still had my breath knocked out of me 4 times at this point and am wishing I could just be at a Six Flags or Cedar Point or something more fun if I'm going to endure this!

But we're not done.....oh no....there's more fun in store for Ms. Jewelz. Now a cap type thingamjingy is placed on my head so that this vibrating ball (sounds more fun than it was) buzzes right behind my ear......again, on the count of three...(I think I'm prepared this time...except I wasn't)...1...2...3....SLAM, and my world literally shifts upside down, sideways, every which way except upright...I'm ready to projectile vomit onto Nursey's scrubs and I hear her say, "Wow....there's major nystagmus going on...you need to take a look at this". World finally calms down and let's do it again to a sitting position, shall we? SLAM! And again, it's with a lot of determination that I keep myself from adding a little freeform art to the front of the doctors coat.

At that point, once my eyes have stopped dancing the Irish jig, I'm allowed to take off the goggles, the neckbrace is placed around my neck, and I'm given a list of things I'm not allowed to do for the next week until my follow-up appt. and sent home.

Conclusion: Gyroscope? No, and that's a good thing.
"Somewhat Violent" procedure? Understatement of the year.

And just FYI....I'm pulling off the neckbrace look quite nicely, actually. I think I look kind of "cute" in a "Awww, what an adorable little 'special' friend" kind of way. And also? I plan to milk this for ALL it's worth!!!!!

Maybe being a Dizzy Blonde isn't so bad afterall...

2009-02-15T18:36:00.007-05:00

I'm going in for a medical procedure tomorrow that is supposed to rid me of this plague of vertigo that I have now suffered from for close to 9 weeks. The condition is called BPPV (Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo) and you can read about it here and here and here if you are at all interested because I, for one, am REALLY sick of explaining it.

HOWEVER, it is a MUST for this particular diva to attempt to gather as much sympathy as I can for what I'm about to endure in less than 24 hours. Here's a glimpse of what I can expect when I Become a Human Gyroscope:

Plus I'll be wearing goggles so that the doctor can keep track of my "nystagma" which is the eye movement that acccompanies BPPV and can let them know when they've got the occular crystals out from the problem areas. Then I get to go home wearing a neckbrace for a week and sleep sitting up and I'm not allowed to bend over (I'll be doing lots of squats....my ass is going to look like a freaking ROCK after this...that's a plus).

The only thing missing with the neckbrace will be orthodontics, a headgear, pigtails, bangs cut too short, horn-rim glasses, and a plaid skirt with knee socks and a white button down shirt. Welcome to my idea of hell....being fashionless and geeky and very, very unpopular.

On my way to take my last dose of Prince Valium for a while....he will be greatly missed. We've developed a deep, honest, almost addictive relationship. I'm not sure if it's healthy relationship or not, but I gotta give him snaps for getting me through these last few weeks.

Any and all comments telling me how HORRIBLE this is and how BRAVE and COURAGEOUS I am will be gladly accepted. You might want to throw in a few compliments about how even a neckbrace can't put the skids on my hotness.

VD - FYI

2009-02-13T21:11:00.003-05:00

So, if you've been reading my blog for awhile (let's see...I just recently passed my one year mark back in December), then you'll know these things about me:

I have a tendency to be a bit self-absorbed at times

I love presents

I love for people to give me presents (no holiday necessary...I'm very gracious that way)

If I don't get presents, I get bitchy

I'm materialistic beyond measure

I'm a whiner (but only if I think it will get me my way)

I love to shop, hate to exercise, and can be snarky about people who claim that they hate to shop and love to exercise because that's just bullshit

And I LOVE being in a spotlight.....again, the self-centeredness may apply here.

If you were to go back and read this post, you will see that I have a history of all of the above.

And in that post I mentioned what I would be expecting on Valentine's Day 2009....and guess what???? I GOT MY FLOWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Delivered at work so that everyone could ooh and aah and tell me how wonderful it must be to have a hubby who loves me so much. It IS wonderful, I must admit.

But here's the thing.....today was only a half-day of school for me with the kidlets and it was spent having classroom Valentine parties and going half beserk trying to keep them all entertained while they were loaded up on sugar, candy, cupcakes, and reading Valentine cards from their classmates.

The other half of the day was going to be spent in a training at a completely different school location, and our school office would be closed for the remainder of the day....hence, no deliveries would be able to be accepted.

So I found myself in a bit of a quandary.....I KNOW I'm going to get flowers delivered to me at work on my birthday and on Valentines Day because the whole point is getting them delivered so that other people can SEE that you received them. I know this because it has happened every year that Hubby and I have been together...which is hitting 21 years now. And Hubby KNOWS that I KNOW that I'm going to get flowers....but it's still such a song and dance between us that it's become it's own joke....I receive the flowers, I call him and tell him how beautiful they were, how surprised I was, how EVERYONE saw them, and how he's definitely going to be getting some action later on in the evening.

But as I was walking around one of my favorite stores the other day (Target, if you're interested), I realized that Hubby didn't know that I wouldn't be at my own homebase school in the afternoon and that nobody would be there to accept the flowers and then deliver them to my classroom so that EVERYONE could see them. So I made a phonecall....some may think this a bit on the presumptuous on my part.

Me: Hi honey! Just wandering Target here looking for candy to give my imps at school and I realized that I forgot to mention to you that it's only a half day for me and then we have meetings in the afternoon.

Him: That's nice. You'll only have to deal with the little buggers for half the day.

Me: Yea....that's not really the point. The point is this: I WILL NOT BE AT MY SCHOOL for the afternoon and my school office WILL BE CLOSED AND UNABLE TO ACCEPT DELIVERIES of any kind from any place or person.

Him: Oh....(slight pause)....you're talking about your flowers, aren't you?

Me: Well...I just mean that IF you were planning on sending me flowers for Valentines Day, and having them sent to school so that EVERYONE could see me receiving them and ooh and ahh and tell me how lucky I am to have a husband that loves me so much, well then yea....that could pose a problem if the florist were to attempt delivery in the afternoon. So....you may need to make a phonecall to guarantee morning delivery....I mean, IF you were planning on sending flowers, you know. I don't want to assume anything here (hahahaha).

So this morning, at exactly 9:30, our school secretary delivered to my classroom a HUGE and BEAUTIFUL bouquet of red roses, pink tulips, and white daisies....and I acted all surprised....and I got my oohs and aahs....and I even pointed them out to people as I carried them out to my car on my way to the afternoon meeting. I considered taking them inside to the meeting with me, but my conscience got the better of me and I thought that might be a bit much.

And Hubby got his phonecall with me exclaiming about the BEAUTIFUL bouquet and how thoughtful he is and how much I love him and how surprised I was and how he'll definitely be getting some action!

Who says routine gets old and boring????

Great Debate!!!

2009-02-09T19:25:00.003-05:00

Hey everyone!
No actual blog entry today...instead I'm going to direct you to this website called Puntabulous. It's run by a new blog-friend of mine named Craig and he is way too fun!
He does these email debates that truly bring out the inner forensics freaks inside of us all. He and I had a blast on this latest one about the Greatest Pop Icon of All Time.
Take a minute to head over to Craig's blog and check out the debate....oh yea, and be sure to let him know that I totally kicked his ass!!!!!

You're a Hero.....without Mariah Carey

2009-02-07T20:03:00.004-05:00

Check out this website and YOU could be a hero too!!!! Hooray!

Here's me....she's a very freaky girl!

You Had Me at "I got you a little something"...

2009-02-01T11:42:00.004-05:00

Yeah...so I sported a 'shiner' for a little over a week due to my fall. Found out that I don't have a brain tumor or Meniere's disease, and that I'll be going in for some procedure on Feb. 16 where they shake the living crap out of you and then make you wear a neck brace for four days along with dealing with severe nausea. The only think missing from the neck brack deal is some braces, a head gear, and Coke-bottle lens glasses....oh, and bangs that were cut too short.

However, Hubby, sweet Hubby knows me just sooooo well! He knew I was sad, embarassed at the facial bruising (because yes, I am that vain), and upset that I have to look all geek like and potentially throw up.

So he gave me a present....."I got you a little something" he said.....a Juicy Couture cupcake charm (with a HUGE red Swarovski crystal cherry on the top) and matching post earrings!!!! I could barely contain the squealing that issued forth...actually, now that I think back, I don't think that I contained it at all.

Of course, this is part of my Valentine's Day present....but I'll still get flowers delivered to me at work (I believe this requirement was written in part of our marriage vows 20 years ago).....and I'm just so damn happy and feel all huggy warm and loved.
And I'd jump up and down with delight, except that would bring on my vertigo and I'd end up puking on my new Juicy Couture cupcakes....

Perhaps you misunderstood....

2009-01-24T19:50:00.004-05:00

Back at this post I mentioned that I had been dealing with some pretty severe issues with vertigo (not to be confused with dizziness, I've learned). I'm going on my 6th week of my love affair with Prince Valium, and he has helped me tremendously. I've managed to make it through the days without my world going topsy-turvy. (Apparently that's the difference: when you're feeling dizzy, it feels like your body is 'out of whack"while the world is still, whereas when you experience vertigo, you feel as though the world is 'out of whack' and you are perfectly still.) I take a Valium first thing in the morning so that I'm able to drive my ass to school without endangering myself or others, Then I take another one when I get home from work, and the last one before I go to bed. Got the routine down.

So, last Saturday night I got up in the middle of the night to do the whole mid-night-pee-pee) routine, and right about the moment I stood up, I realized that the world around me had suddenly disappeared and reappeared completely upside down. The last thing I remember is my hubby jumping up out of bed asking me if I fell out of bed. Nope...that's not what happened...I literally stood up, fell down on my knees, and the force with which I went down slammed my cheekbone into the floor (hardwood, mind you). I began bawling while Hubby ran around and helped get me back up onto the bed (I still had to pee by the way). I laid there while the world slowed down, and then finally got to the toity to take care of business.

I LOVE colorful, sparkly, shiny things.....but I think life may have misunderstood. I didn't want my entire fucking cheek to be colorful and shiny....as in black/blue/purple/green/and a tinge of yellow. I look like I got into a knock-down, drag out fight....and lost. Plus, my knees had little scrapes on them and were bruised too....but I was more confused with the face thing. What would people think???? I was soooo embarassed to go to work! Not that anyone would even consider that Hubby smacked me.....they all know him and realize what an incredible man he is (especially with a whiney princess such as myself). But I was just plain embarassed.

I tried covering it up with makeup...but there's only so much you can do. So I was left with LOTS of, "Oh my gosh! What did you do to your face???" I SO wish I'd come up with some majorly awesome story that ended with me being a hero, but my well was dry.

And besides being embarassed....I was scared. I mean...it's not like I tripped or anything, or slipped on something, or took a misstep...nope, it was something wrong in my head that caused the fall...and that's where the internet because a very, very, very bad thing. I looked up my symptoms and was given a laundry list of potential diseases. This wasn't a good thing...I don't like doing laundry in real life, so going through a medical laundry list of diseases? Not fun at all.

So got an appt. right away with an ENT Specialist who ran me through a variety of tests and was able to put to rest the majority of that list of worries that I had...the main ones being Meniere's Disease and AudioCranial Neuroma. Nope....it's just still that Pesky BPPV thing that I mentioned in that earlier post. But the bad news is that it can be recurring, and you never know when it's going to hit, and there's really no "cure", but there are some potential procedures that can be done. So I'm on three more weeks of Valium (hooray!), and then in 3 weeks I'm apparently going to have the absolute shit shaken out of me (Eply Maneuver), live in neck brace for a week, and MAYBE that will put it all to rest....at least for now. But according to my specialist...the crystal ball gets fuzzy when predicting results and chances for recurrance.

So there's my whiney story....and now I think I deserve something REALLY shiny, sparkly, and colorful that I can store in my jewelry drawer...and not have to cover up with makeup!

Everyone is entitled to a bad day....

2009-01-22T21:40:00.002-05:00

IF you watch the video a second time, pay special attention to those wobbly ankles. I couldn't stop laughing....she tried so damn hard to get herself back in balance. Just proves that skinny people are clumsy....better to have a little junk in the trunk to balance you out.

A Repost on a FANTASTIC video

2009-01-17T22:42:00.002-05:00

I had this posted a while back, but apparently the embed-code got axed. SO...now I'm going to just give you the link because it truly is amazing. I am totally in love with this guy...even though he's VERY gay...he seems like he'd be good for cuddling, sipping on wine, and just talking the night away about everything under the sun!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxKhd5O8d2Y

The Thief of Memes Strikes Again!

2009-01-12T19:33:00.002-05:00

Once again, I've stolen from Chris. One of these days he's going to block me from reading his blog and then where will I get my ideas/inspiration from? So far he's been patient, even though he claims he doesn't have any.

1. When you buy a greetings card are the words or the picture more important to you? It would have to be the picture I guess...I don't have the patience to read an epic poem, plus most of them are cheesey anyway.
2. Do you ever make gifts for people, if so what, or do you buy them?
I used to make the occasional gift back when it was in style to be 'crafty'....now I'd much rather be materialistic and buy stuff for people. As far as WHAT I buy them....clearance crap so that I have more money to spend on myself.
3. Are you going on holiday this year? First off, I'll be visiting San Diego for the first time in my life to attend the National Education Association Representative Assembly. Not really a vacation since there is a fair amount of meetings and work involved, but still....it's new for me. Secondly, NASCAR Barbie will be making another appearance this summer in August when we head to Bristol, Tennessee to go to the night race (which is, according to Hubby, a very big fucking deal)
4. What was the best party you’ve ever been to?It was so damn good, I can't remember a thing about it....must have been completely shnockered.
5. If you are married, describe your wedding. If not, what would your ideal wedding be like? I am married (for almost 20 years now...to the same person!!!! We were married in 1989, and if you were to ask anyone who attended to describe the wedding in one word it would be: BOWS....lots and lots of BOWS. Very princessy and all that....surprising, eh?
6. What’s the most romantic thing that’s ever been said to you? "When I held you that first time, you fit into me perfectly and I just knew we should be together." (Hubby said that when we were dating...tell me that didn't score him an automatic wrestle in the sheets?)
7. What’s your favorite romantic song? After All by Al Jarreau
8. Favorite heartbreak song? All By Myself by Eric Carmen
9. Which celebrity would you like a dream date with? Angelina Jolie (if I decided to be more experimental) OR Viggo Mortensen (He's got a ruggish, yet poetic, kind of thing going)
10. Which female celebrity do you find beautiful? Again, Angelina Jolie and Beyonce'
11. Which male celebrity do you think is attractive? I like the older guys...I've always kind of had a thing for Tom Skerrit and Clint Eastwood....they look wisened, and yet they seem like they could teach me a few tricks!
12. Describe the kind of underwear you normally wear. Victoria's Secret French Cut...buy 5 for $20!
13. If you could be in a television sit-com, which would you choose? Throw tomatoes at me if you must, but I would totally have wanted to be on Seinfeld
14. Which character would you like to be? ELAINE! I soooo love to push guys around and make them do my bidding.
15. What are your favorite boy and girl names? Boy ~ Quentin Girl ~ Emarie
16. What’s your supermarket of choice? Meijer Thrifty-Acres for One-Stop-Shopping
17. What is your best character trait? I tend to make others laugh...I can be pretty self-effacing, and I can verbally bitch-slap just about anybody.
18. What is your worst habit? Impulse shopping.
19. Elaborate on your default icon. Hello??? It's Hello Kitty....the HOTTEST Pop Icon of the Century....why do you even ask these stupid questions?
20. What is your current relationship status? Married for 20 years...together for almost 22....our relationship is good as long as I stay on my current meds.
21. Ever have a near death experience? Does being so sick that I wanted to die count?
22. Name an obvious quality about you? I'm typically in a happy mood...again, the drugs help with that.
23. What’s the name of a song stuck in your head right now? Single Ladies (Put a Ring on it)
24. Name a celebrity you would marry. Robert Redford (again...with the older men)
25. Do you like pain? Not pain per se, but I do enjoy the sympathy that abounds when I'm hurting....I can milk it like no other, baby!

Because People WANT to know....

2009-01-11T18:50:00.011-05:00

I agreed (could also be interpreted as BEGGED) for my friend, Chris ,at My Two Cents to include me in the interview phenomenon that has shaken the blogger world! And he agreed....he likes me! He really, really likes me!!! The plague of questions started here. So Chris has now sent me a series of 5 questions that I have to create some lies about....oops, did I say that out loud? I'll be totally honest in my answers....as long as they don't make me look too bad.

1. What one choice in your past would you go back and change now, if you could?
That would be dating a man who was 16 years my senior when I was only 19 years old. I felt sooooo completely thrilled that someone of 'his stature' would be interested in little ol' me. I was sure that he would leave his wife/family for me (in my defense, he did tell me that he was legally separated), and he would sweep me off into the sunset and marry me. Turns out he was just a perv who apparently liked young, virginal (hahaha....my virginity was a distant memory at that point) perky gals who enjoyed the attentions of older men and therefore 'gave it up' fairly easily. The other regret that goes along with this? The man in question worked for my mom at a local satellite college. I didn't win "Daughter of the Year" at that point in my life.

2. If you had to leave your current home tomorrow, where would you relocate to?
I've always enjoyed the full four seasons, which is one reason why Michigan has really been a great place to live. We pretty much get 3 full months of winter, spring, summer, fall...and I have things that I love (and hate) about each season. HOWEVER, if I had to relocate I would choose: 1. North Carolina ,or 2.) Colorado ,or 3.) England (because I want to visit pubs, say things like "bloody hell", "wanker", "sod off", and "The Queen is coming over for tea".

3. You are given 1 million dollars and you must spend it all within six hours, how do you complete your mission?
6 hours to spend 1 million dollars???? PUH-LEASE! This is soooooo not a problem for me. I'd buy a big ass house, by tons of furniture to decorate said big ass house, have a fun splurge at Tiffany's, buy four new cars (one for each season), and book a few exotic vacations. Oh...and I'd also get a personal shopper to buy me a ton of clothes.
Hmmm....I've just noticed that not one single charity is listed (do the words selfish and narcissitic come to mind?) ....okay....I'd give a wad of money to one of the local pet sanctuaries here in Grand Rapids. Oh...and I might give some to my family....if they were nice to me.

4. Which is more likely to happen in your lifetime:
a. Sasquatch is discovered ~ What do you mean "discovered"? There's been actual photographic footage of a hairy beast in the wilds of Canada. He lives people! He lives!!!! I suppose you're going to try to convince me that the LochNess Monster is a load of crap too? I read National Enquirer when I'm in the grocery line....I know about the world!
b. Aliens land at the White House ~ They already did....their race is called Bushies and the came from the Planet Total Fuck Up.
c. Jesus returns and the rapture sucks up the faithful ~ At this point, I don't think Jesus is coming anywhere near us....there aren't enough faithful to make it worth His while.

5. You must choose one ethnic type of food to eat for the rest of your life, what is it? ~ That would have to be Italian.....love, love, love Italian food. Plus then I can become a short, rotund lady who everyone fears (because of a short temper), pays homage to (buy offing anyone who pisses me off), and can drink loads of wine because it's 'good for you'. And even better? I can use words like Ciao! and not sound like a wanna-be. Oh, and that finger kissing to describe yummy stuff would look a lot more authentic than when I do it now.

So....do you want to play???? If so...follow these directions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. (You need to give me your email address by the way)
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
You must also:
link back to the original post (http://immoralmatriarch.com/questionsagain) and also to my post
(http://worldaccordingtojewelz.blogspot.com/2009/01/because-people-want-to-know.html)

Uncle Jay on Auld Lang Syne

2009-01-08T16:26:00.001-05:00

Whatever is going on....I'm feeling just dandy!

2009-01-07T21:18:00.002-05:00

Back at school for a new year....and the last half of the school year with a class of absolute hellions (sorry...can't think of a nicer word to describe them at this point).
However....I'm still taking the prescribed Valium to help counteract the BPPV that I've been dealing with (and still am dealing with as of this writing).
So....my little gangstas can flash their gangsta signs, confront each other over who was first in the line for drinks, who took his/her pencil, who bumped into his/her desk, who took cuts in line, who hung their coat/backpack on the wrong hook, who "looked at him/her funny", and so on and so forth. And meanwhile, I'm sitting back taking it all in like a day at the zoo.
Don't get me wrong...I'm still dealing with all of these issues, but it's not affecting me in the same way right now. I'm kind of floating through it. My kids all know that they don't want to get me upset with them....they hate when I'm disappointed in their choices...not that it stops them from doing the same damn thing the next day (or even in the next 5 minutes for some of them). BUT...my little inmates aren't getting my bloodpressure skyrocketing like usual. And I know I owe it to that wonderdrug called Prince Valium.
The sad (and scary for me) part is that the Valium is only masking the effects of the BPPV. And once I'm off of it (which will be in 2 days), I may very well be lying on the floor in my classroom with the room spinning like Kansas in the Wizard of Oz.
I can't stay on Valium forever (although I'd like to argue WHY NOT? with my dr.). In the meantime, I've actually had staff members mention how relaxed I seem...and wondering if there's something wrong because I'm not my usual perky, exuberant, energetic (could also be read MANIC) self lately.
SO....at this point it's been a VERY happy start to 2009 for me at work. But what happens when the Valium wears off? Then what???? Back to Vertigo-Ville? CRAP!
Do doctors take bribes???? Is it still considered unethical if it's not heavy-duty drugs like oxycontin, percocet, or morphine??
Something to consider, my evil little friends....something to consider.

Highly Recommended

2009-01-05T20:32:00.004-05:00

I'm an avid reader...voracious, even. I eat books like the proverbial BOOK WORM. Some of them are well worth the time, and others not so much....but I keep reading the bad ones because I expect them to somehow redeem themselves by the end. Doesn't ever happen, but hey...call me a cock-eyed optimist.

Anydoodle...I recently picked up this book because it happened to be on a "Featured Titles" table in my local book store. It's a Young Adult novel, and I could not put it down. It's a fairly quick read, but very intense and has a powerful message. The ending is so unexpected that I was left just staring at the cover with an overpowering sense of "Wow".

Apparently it's being made (or has already been made) into a movie. I would definitely read the book BEFORE going to the movie....every student in high school should be made to read this along with the Diary of Anne Frank. Especially in light of the fact that there are those idiots out there walking among us who honestly believe that the whole Holocaust was a hoax.

The innocence of the main character, Bruno, is so very sad with what he is surrounded by...right to the very end. I can't recommend this book enough....it is a MUST read for anyone who has a heart.

What Do You Expect....I'm on Valium!

2009-01-05T20:08:00.002-05:00

Can't think of a damn thing to write about....first day back at school after winter break (nah), the fact that I'm still experiencing bouts of vertigo (meh), my new love affair with Prince Valium (been there, done that)....so I'm stealing from Chris again over at My Two Cents. Go visit his blog and show him some love....besides, his answers to this meme are waaaay more witty than mine.

1. What are your nicknames? jewelz, 'j', jubey, jube-the-boob, ju-ju-bee
2. What TV game show or reality show would you like to be on? Seriously....I would soooo want to be on those Rock of Love shows!!! Not because I have the hots for Bret Michaels, but I would be perfect for him....he could screw any skanky groupie that he wanted, and then come home and just buy me gifts with his gajillions of dollars.
3. What was the first movie you bought in VHS or DVD? OMG...I think it might have been Wayne's World or Pretty Woman
4. What is your favorite scent? Christian Dior "Dune" or "Ed Hardy for Women"
5. If you had one million dolars to spend only on yourself, what would you spend it on? A Tummy Tuck, liposuction, and then a ton of new clothes to fit my fab new figure.
6. What is one place you’ve visited, can’t forget and want to go back to? Costa Rica
7. Do you trust easily? Waaaay too easily....and then I get burned...but that only happens once, my dears, because if you screw me over then I'm all about the big ol' FUCK YOU.
8. Do you generally think before you act, or act before you think? I always act first...and then think about my actions and end up regretting them...so I try not to think at all...life is easier that way.
9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days? Having to go back and spend time with the 7-year old inmates in my classroom.
10. Do you have a good body image? Are you freaking kidding me? Go back and read #5
11. What is your favorite fruit? Oranges remind me of the texture of my thighs, so I'm going to go with Granny Smith apples.
12. What websites do you visit daily? Comics.com, ebay.com, my entire blogroll.
13. What have you been seriously addicted to lately? Besides narcotics???? Is there anything else WORTH being addicted to????
14. What’s the last song that got stuck in your head? Beyonce's Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)
15. What is your favorite thing to wear? My Hello Kitty pajamas!!!!
16. Do you think Rice Krispies are yummy? Sure...I love eating wood shavings stuck together with Elmer's Glue.
17. What would you do if you saw $100 lying on the ground? Look around cautiously to see if anyone was watching and then pocket it.
18. What items couldn’t you go without during the day? Lipstick....HATE. NAKED. LIPS.
19. What should you be doing right now? Walking on my treadmill or doing my WiiFit...does it appear that I'm doing either one???

An Overdose of Testosterone

2009-01-04T17:13:00.004-05:00

New Year's Eve was a blast. Traditionally we always spend it with our friends Scott and The Fabulous Miss Robin...and we get thoroughly tanked and play euchre and sing karaoke and play ping-pong and manage to look for any other trouble we can get ourselves into.

This year wasn't much different except that I wasn't able to drink much thanks to the Valium I'm taking due to my current affliction of BPPV and the fact that my wonderful nephew joined us as well. He stayed with us for a few days and we had a blast having him with us! This year we changed up the pattern a bit by attending the New Year's Homegame of our local AHL team (The Grand Rapids Griffins....farm team for the Detroit Redwings). The Griffins kicked the asses of the Iowa Chops (their mascot is a pig for crying out loud...whaddaya expect?) with a final score of 5-0. I have been called a "Hockey 'Ho" by some people. Then we came back home and partied until 2:30 in the morning. Fun was had by all.

THEN...last night we attended an Arena Racing event which is like NASCAR, only with little clown cars on a little track. Usually I'm referred to as "NASCAR Barbie" when we attend these types of events. And I was there hooting and hollering and cheering on my favorite cars.

So, over the past couple of days I'm feeling more 'man-like' and am expecting to find chest hairs sprouting from my boobs, as well as a profound need to scratch myself in inappropriate places and burp/fart while loudly and proudly laying claim to said extraneous bursts of noise.

However, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that I'm still a girly-girl at heart, even though I've been exposed to so much testosterone-laden events as of late. While getting out of our car, I slipped on some black ice and fell crashing down to my knees with my purse flying out of my hands as I attempted (and failed) to catch myself. A guy would probably have jumped up quickly and acted as though he 'meant to do that' and then laughed it off.

I, on the other hand, stayed down on my hands and knees and cried until Hubby came and helped me up, brushed the snow off of my knees, checked me over, gathered up my purse and its littered contents, wiped my tears while muttering "poor baby", and then held on to me tightly as I limped my way to the restaurant we were going to after the race.

So I guess my estrogen levels powered on and defeated those pesky little testosterone devils that were trying to take over my body & mind.

All is well with my world afterall.

Happy New Year 2009!

2009-01-01T17:37:00.003-05:00

I'm wishing everyone here....all three of my readers...a very HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!!!!!

And I thought I would revisit my post from last year....so I'm pasting it here, and adding my changes in a new color so that you know what is recent:

Just wanted to wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! (already said that, up above)
Looking back on my 41 (now it's 42) years, I have a pattern in my resolution-making....I always say that I'm going to:
1. exercise more
2. eat less
3. save more
4. spend less.
And each year I'm really going to follow through on them....so after 41 (now 42) years of these same resolutions I can honestly say that:
1. I don't exercise much (still don't, although I DID purchase a treadmill and a WiiFit and I'm using both of them more or less consistently....if by consistent you mean, when I remember and/or feel like it)
2. I eat more than I need to (still do)
3. I think I have a negative balance in my savings account (actually, this is up a bit...but I just got home from a shopping spree)
4. and I have had SO much fun shopping and buying stuff this past year!!!!! (again, this still applies....re-read what I wrote for #3)
So this year I decided to put some real thought and energy into coming up with some resolutions that are meaningful to me and will create a more well-rounded and balanced individual. With that in mind, here are my resolutions for 2008 (now they apply to 2009):
1. exercise more
2. eat less
3. save more
4. spend less
Wish me luck!!!! (Because I obviously have no shame or willpower)
p.s. I'll let you know how I did on Jan. 1, 2009 (make that January 1, 2010)

WTF???

2008-12-30T11:10:00.004-05:00

The teacher in me just cringes at this....what in the hell???

Unbalanced

2008-12-28T17:43:00.003-05:00

Back before/during/after Thanksgiving, I was hit with a respiratory virus that swept the West Michigan area. It lasted close to forever, and I was miserable the entire time...especially because all the doctors tell you is to rest and push fluids. In the meantime, you leave pieces of your lungs scattered across the countryside because you cough incessantly. Thankfully, it eventually passed as all things do.
However, since that time I have been experiencing waves of vertigo and queasiness that accompanies it. It has progressively gotten worse over the past week or so. I finally went into the doctors yet again...and after he did a little test whereby he tipped me on my back and then shoved me forward again, I was about ready to hork my stomach contents all over him. It turns out that I have something called BPPV (Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo) AND inflammation of the inner ear. JOY! Both were probably brought on by that virus I had.
Supposedly this BPPV condition can last several weeks...little 'crystals' that are normally found in the inner ear become dislodged and bounce around inside of the ear. They bump into those little cilia hairs in your ear and tell your brain that your head/body is moving. However, your EYES and GRAVITY are telling your brain something quite different...that you're sitting still, not moving, and the earth is not shaking underneath you. These contradictory messages create a major mind-fuck and you're left feeling as though the world is topsy-turvy and you'll be lucky to keep your lunch down.
The Happy News from all of this is that I got a nice prescription for Prince Valium to help keep my nervous system calmed down and have spent the past two days sleeping the deep sleep experienced only by fairy-tale princesses (how fitting is that!).
Besides feeling like I can't walk without falling down (or even lie down without feeling like I'm falling), the other downside is that I'm not able to drive anywhere...and I've got some gift certificates from Xmas that are burning a hole in my pocket. I wasn't able to take advantage of Post-Holiday Sale shopping...which totally sucked.
The other butt-biting drawback is that I'm not able to drink any alcohol because not only could it create a major problem with the Valium, but I'm already tipsy enough and don't want to exacerbate the feeling of the ground moving beneath me. And New Year's Eve is in a couple of days!!!!! And I always get sloshed on New Years....it's tradition...along with singing karaoke, playing euchre, and we were adding a Wii-Fest to the party this year! SON OF A BITCH!

Instead, I'm going to be watching the festivities from my safe little spot on the couch, sipping on my Diet Coke (sans mixers), and feeling just as drunk as everyone else anyway. WOO-HOO!

A Look at Christmas

2008-12-26T11:33:00.016-05:00

Last year I wrote a post about Christmas Sweaters that you can read here. I thought about reposting it in honor of the Christmas season, but decided instead to do a pictorial essay about the dreaded Christmas sweater. Let's take a look, shall we?

I think this vest is the closest thing to "pussy" that this guy is ever going to get!

This one is so offensive, even dogs howl at it (as shown on the sweater itself).

Wear this one and people will think you're lactating Christmas trees.

Because the vest wasn't horrificly ugly enough on its own.

The bowtie really adds a touch of 'class' to this one, doesn't it?

"After spending three nights in jail for a DUI and getting to know other inmates on an intimate basis, I'm just so damn happy to be here with you for Christmas!"

Shortly after having their portrait taken, this family was found slaughtered and abandoned in an empty Christmas tree lot.

This festive sweater is brought to you by the makers of those whacky Tuxedo Tees...wear this and people will think you really ARE Santa Claus!!!

Photo taken just prior to Grandma getting run over by a reindeer. (Is it just me, or does this photo eerily remind you a bit of Olivia Newton-John?)

Apparently, a severe lack of fashion sense tends to run in families.

And finally....a Christmas sweater decorated with....CHRISTMAS SWEATERS!!!! Festive Holiday Wear doesn't get any better than this!

Meowy Kitty-mess!

2008-12-25T20:39:00.003-05:00

Right after I snapped this picture, Roameo gave up the search and went back to simply waiting for Santa Pawz from the comfort of his warm and cozy bed.

Giving to Those in Need...

2008-12-22T10:46:00.001-05:00

A White Christmas....I Haz It!

2008-12-20T18:12:00.004-05:00

Christmas came early to my household this year! I have been dealing with 23 imps from hell in my class, and it has been a "challenging" year thus far. I often compare myself to a warden in Alcatraz because that's what it feels like on some days.

Anydoodle....this holiday break has been a loooooong time coming, and I was literally counting down hours and minutes until we would be on our official two-week break from school.

And then "The Big One of '08" hit....and we got a SNOW DAY on our last day before break started. My district VERY rarely closes for snow...we're more of an urban district so we don't have rural roads that don't get plowed. That being the case, it takes a helluva lot of snow/ice to get the Head Cheese (Superintendent) to call off school. And we got it, my friends....wow, did we get it!

CHECK IT OUT...we got close to 14 inches of snow and this happened in about 9 hours time:

And no...that's not me snowblowing. Are you freaking kidding me? I don't "do" snow maintenance. I was in the warm and toasty house baking up a ton of Christmas cookies!

Because isn't Giving to Others What This Season is All About?

2008-12-19T10:13:00.001-05:00

'Cause I Can't Think of Anything on My Own...

2008-12-15T20:07:00.004-05:00

Thanks, once again, to Chris over at My Two Cents for providing me with today's post. I totally copied his meme...feel free to do the same!

WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names):Jean Edward
NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother’s dad, father’s dad):Don Harley
STAR WARS NAME: (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name):Br'Juli
DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal):Red Cat
SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you live):Annette Grand Rapids
SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite alcoholic drink, optionally add “THE” to the beginning):The Pink Rocket
FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name):Jull
GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie):Mint Chipper
ROCK STAR NAME: (current pet’s name, current street name):Roameo Cornelius
PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on):Dusty Depot

I'll try to be more original next time...(use whiney voice) but I'm too tired!!!!!!!!

That's Going a Bit Too Far....

2008-12-11T18:59:00.005-05:00

Any followers, fans, family, or friends know that I am a 'die hard' Hello Kitty fan, and have been ever since I was a wee lass.

I often cruise specific shopping websites that specialize in all things Hello Kitty, and I lurk on ebay as well trying to spot some MUST HAVE item that I don't already have in my Sanrio arsenal.

It appears that Hello Kitty is branching out into the electronics and techno fields judging by some recent additions to her product lines. For example:

Who could resist a Hello Kitty Flash Drive?

Or a Hello Kitty Computer Keyboard and Keyboard Vaccum cleaner?

I'd be up for a Hello Kitty Digital Camera if anyone is scrounging for gift ideas!

And a Hello Kitty Blue-Tooth Included/GPS Mobile Phone? Oh, I am SO on that!

But THIS???? is going toooooo far.

A Hello Kitty Vibrator???

I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, and I do love me some Hello Kitty!

But seriously?

I do NOT need Hello Kitty anywhere near MY "kitty" for that particular activity!

Let's keep a "G" rating on Hello Kitty in the future...for the love of all things Sanrio, show some respect!

Hello...Baby??

2008-12-07T17:51:00.003-05:00

IF I was interested in having a baby of my own....I would totally fly to Taiwan to give birth. Check it out!!!! A HELLO KITTY MATERNITY HOSPITAL!!!!!

A Little Too Close to Home...

2008-12-06T10:20:00.003-05:00

Holy Crap! This could totally be ME! I wonder if Starbucks is serving these up yet!

Oui, Wii

2008-12-06T10:14:00.002-05:00

Hubby and I just got a Wii. We bought every bell and whistle, as well as a bunch of games. I'm officially addicted to bowling and boxing, and I'm getting ready to start using my WiiFit. I'm sure that THIS will be the magic combination that will make me the "Super Woman" that I am in my dreams....thin, fit, and healthy (as well as totally HOT!)
Any suggestions out there for Wii games that are "must haves"???

In Case You're Interested....

2008-11-24T17:48:00.003-05:00

I'm dealing with my Annual Winter Crud...cough, congestion, difficulty breathing, etc. So rather than expending energy that I do not have to spare, I stole this little meme from my buddy over at My Two Cents. I'll be lying on my couch trying to keep my lungs back down iniside of my body since it feels like I'm coughing them up.

1. When was the last time you cried?
Friday night when I bawled to Hubby because I didn't feel good.

2. Were you named after anyone?
My mom was a HUGE fan of Julie Andrews...I was named after her in tribute.

3. Why are you so fickle when it comes to women?
Excuse me??? I didn't know that I was!

4. What is your favorite lunchmeat?
Turkey

5. Do you have kids?
Not human ones. I've got the four-legged, furry kind!

6. If you were another person would you be friends with you?
Absolutely...I'm a blast to be around!

7. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
I consider it my second fluent language.

8. Do you still have your tonsils?
No

9. Would you bungee jump?
Not willingly.

10. What is your favorite cereal?
Special K with those little yogurt covered things

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off.
Depends on the shoes.

12. Do you think you are strong enough to be with me?
WTF? This question makes no sense.

13. What is your favorite ice cream?
Mint Chocolate Chip...I even took one of those dumb quizzes that asks "What Ice Cream Personality Are You?" and it labeled me as MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP!!!! How cool is that???

14. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Eyes and teeth.

15. Red or pink?
Both!!!!

16. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
The way I obsess about weight.

17. Who do you mess with the most?
Physically? That would be Hubby!
Mentally? Anyone weaker than me.

18. What was the last thing you ate?
Dinner - nursing my cold, so it was hot chicken noodle soup and crackers.

19. What are you listening to right now?
Besides the voices in my head? I'm actually watching t.v.

20. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My neighbor...consoling her over some "teenager" issues with her daughter

21. Why aren’t you married?
I am! Who told you differently?

22. Last movie you watched?
Secret Life of Bees

23. What did you dream about last night?
I am having drug-induced comas lately because I take all of this cough-control medicine that knocks me out.

24. What book are you reading?
I'm a Stranger Here Myself - Bill Bryson (it's the third time I've read it...every 5 years or so....just a funny commentary on the mundane things in life)

25. Summer or winter?
Fall first and foremost. When it's winter, I enjoy it for a couple months and then I want it to be summer. When it's summer, I enjoy it for a couple months and then I want it to be winter.

26. Hugs or kisses?
Both

27. Do you have any special talents?
I'm sure I do...

28. What are they?
For the life of me, I can't think of one in particular.

29. What did you watch on TV last?
TrueBlood on HBO

30. What is your favorite sound?
Someone (anyone!) telling me that they bought me a surprise!!!

31. Rolling Stones or The Beatles?
Not a huge fan of either, but if I was forced to choose...I'd go with the Beatle. Mick Jagger grosses me out!

32. Most likely to respond to this meme?
Not a clue.

33. Least likely to respond?
Not a clue.

Copy Cat

2008-11-22T11:50:00.003-05:00

Since I'm down for the count with a bad case of bronchitis and have ZERO energy right now, I stole this from one of the blogs that I read: Run, Jen, Run...

check out this guy!!!

Speechless...

2008-11-09T19:21:00.002-05:00

Sometimes you come across something that really pulls at your heartsrings...the simplicity of this song is beautiful and it's really just better to listen to it....

Hip, Hip, Hooray!!!

2008-11-05T19:50:00.008-05:00

My Inner Cheerleader just couldn't resist!!!

Hooray!!!!!!!!!

I've Lost My Mo-Jo

2008-11-04T18:05:00.002-05:00

This post is totally unrelated to the Election Day festivities that are upon us...although I must say that I will be sooooooo glad when this is over and done with!
And if you don't have the stomach for pity parties and whining...you might want to reconsider reading this.

I woke up this morning in a funk. It doesn't happen often, at least not as often as it used to before I was on meds that help me deal with life. But every now and again, it still happens.

I looked in the mirror and decided I didn't like "me" today. I felt ugly and fat...and those are my two biggest insecurities (besides sometimes feeling like I'm dumb as a box of rocks...but that one doesn't hit my self-esteem where it counts....that's just on days when I'm extra-flakey).

I battled with bulimia for about 8 years...all through high school and college. In fact, I didn't have a "weight problem" until I started dieting...and a friend of mine taught me the miracle of the "Trigger Finger" (eat what you want, jam a finger down your throat, and VOILA! You're back to square one and an empty stomach!) I used that method and was also a master of starvation. I could force myself to fast for several days and then be all excited because I lost 5 lbs. THEN I could celebrate by totally gorging myself on all the stuff I'd been depriving myself of. I never got twiggy skinny...which was my ultimate dream...but I was in CONTROL, and that was a huge deal for me.

These days, 20 years since I stopped the binge/purge cycle, I'm much more at ease with myself and my control issues have calmed down considerably. The meds that I take not only ease my anxiety/depression tendencies, but they are actually used to help treat bulimia. However, one particular side effect???? Weight gain....my arch-enemy.

I look at these young girlies at work....fresh newbie teachers...and I feel like an ugly, fat, old school marm. Several of these chickies are lucky if they weigh 100 pounds soaking wet...and they wear size 00....I didn't even realize they MADE clothes that small. I overheard a couple of the twiggies talking the other day about how they love to buy their t-shirts at Steve & Barry's because if they buy an X-Small, it shrinks and will fit just right. Holy Shit! I buy Large or XL shirts and pray that they don't shrink.

I'm no longer wishing to be so small that I could turn sideways and disappear. And I totally realize that's not even realistic...I'm not built that way, I've got curves, and I'm on various meds that can cause weight gain...not to mention that I'm 42 years old.

But some days, like today, it's hard to face up to that reality. I wish I could have just ONE day to experience what it's like to be truly happy with myself...without worrying about what I ate, or working out, or what others think.

Tomorrow I'll wake up and will feel fine...at least, I'll be accepting of myself. But today? can't be over fast enough for me.

100 Things About Jewelz (Installment #9)

2008-11-02T17:10:00.006-05:00

It's been awhile since I've done one of these, and I realized that I hadn't yet completed my "100". So here's the latest:

100 Things I Love About the Fall:

1. Cooler Temperatures: Call me a "Freak of Nature", but I actually enjoy wearing layers...I love turtlenecks and warm wooly sweaters, and honestly? That's a difficult fashion statement to do in the summer time.

2. The Crisp Mornings: This isn't exactly the same as cooler temperatures because this isn't about the clothes I get to wear. I love stepping outside on a fall morning and feeling the "snap" in the air and seeing the frost on the blades of grass.

3. The Smell of Leaves Burning: I live in the city, so this particular activity is illegal in my neighborhood. But I do love it when we drive in the more rural areas and can smell the woodsmoke lingering in the air.

4. Cider Mills and Donuts: This is probably the number 1 reason for my love of the fall season. I LOVE visiting cider mills, drinking a tall glass of ice cold apple cider, and eating a hot donut right out of the fryer. Mmmmmm! Oooh, and one of my favorite things to drink (in lieu of my I.V. Diet Coke, is a tasty little concoction that I made up...apple cider, pineapple juice, and Sprite (or 7-Up). Seriously....this is sooooooo yummy!!!!

5. Hay Rides: Every year we go out with some friends of ours to the local orchard for a Horse Drawn Hay-Ride. I've been on the hayrides that use a big ol' tractor to pull the trailer, and you know what? It loses some of its charm when you're behind a chugging diesel engine spewing fumes. Of course, the horses can sometimes spew fumes too. The only drawback to this is that I always feel guilty....I think the horses must be sad having to pull a trailer full of people.

6. Halloween: I LOVE this holiday!!!! I love putting out haybales, cornstalks, and pumpkins on my front porch (when I feel inspired, anyway), all of the spooky decorations, all of the orange and black colors in the stores, deciding on a costume to wear to school, and the Trick-or-Treaters. However, I do have to say that I've started to grow sour on the candy-begging over the past few years. I'm seeing fewer little kids and more teenagers who don't bother to dress up, and simply go around to people's houses with an open pillow case.

7. Pumpkins: No matter where you go, you see pumpkins for sale....outside of grocery stores, on the side of the road, at farmer's markets, and simply everywhere! I love pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin flavored coffee, and even this pumpkin "fluff" stuff that I make. Mmm, mmm, mmm!!!!

8. Colored Leaves: Seeing the trees turn those majestic colors of red, yellow, and orange is breathtaking to me. I get so excited when I come across one of those "perfect" leaves....I always want to frame it. But I don't know how to do that, and I'm too lazy to look into it. So I content myself with saying, "That leaf is so perfect I could frame it!"

9. The Sound of Leaves: Hubby would probably beg to differ with me on this one, but that would be because HE's the one who has to blow/rake the leaves, scoop them up into bags, and then mulch up the rest. I love the rustling sound that they make when they blow around.

However, that being said, I tried helping him rake up leaves a few times, but my OCD got the best of me....I couldn't stand it if I had spent time raking an area and then a stray leaf got away. I spent so much time on a 5X5 area trying to get every last little leaf, while Hubby did the rest of the yard. He said it's faster if he does it himself.

10. And finally, The End of Daylight Savings Time: I'm addicted to sleep. I love good sleep. Turning back the clocks and gaining an hour (and yes, I realize that there's still just 24 hours in a day) is like a little gift to my biological sleep clock. I love rolling over and seeing the clock say 9:00, and knowing that it's 10:00 EDT, and I don't have to feel guilty for staying in bed so long!

A Friendly Reminder...

2008-10-30T20:07:00.005-04:00

Don't Forget!!!! Tuesday, November 4th is Election Day!!!

Blast from the Past!

2008-10-25T10:17:00.002-04:00

Yet another great video!!! (Am I being lazy or what?)

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

Strategery, Patriotizing, and Characterization

2008-10-24T21:52:00.007-04:00

Those comic geniuses over at Saturday Night Live are at it again! ENJOY!!!!

Hockey Mom or Paris Hilton???

2008-10-22T20:58:00.002-04:00

Seriously??? What the hell???

Fresh and Full of Life!

2008-10-20T18:16:00.002-04:00

Setting: Sitting in the bleachers at a Marching Band Invitational freezing my ass off because Hubby's band was performing.

Hubby: Do you want a minty Mentos?
Me: Sure...thanks! (pop it into mouth and begin chewing)

Me: Oh Shit! I think I just broke my tooth!
Hubby: No, that's just the crunchy candy coating on the Mentos.
Me: No, seriously! I'm chewing on bits of my tooth! (Feel around with tongue, and sure enough...the back half of my crown is missing...spit tooth chunks out)

Me: What the hell? How come they were so hard? They were in your pocket, so it's not like they got cold or anything.
Hubby: Well, I've had them for awhile.
Me: Define "awhile".
Hubby: They were from my Christmas stocking last year.
Me: LAST YEAR??? WTF???

So now I get to make THREE, yes THREE, visits to my dentist to have the entire crown replaced.
CRAP! I fucking HATE Mentos!!!!

What Were They Thinking?

2008-10-17T22:49:00.022-04:00

I don't typically wish time to pass more quickly, but I cannot WAIT for November 4 to get here already and be done with all of this political shit. So, I'm taking a break with one of my vapid, mind-numbing past-times....making fun of celebrity fashion fuck-ups. Here are a just a few of the latest:

Bai Ling looks like she's auditioning to be the spokesmodel for Lay's Potato Chips!

Paris Hilton appears to be channeling Morticia Addams

Somebody needs to tell Toni Braxton that SPANX are supposed to be worn under clothing....not as clothing

Mischa Barton is still wearing her hospital bracelet from her time spent in Rehab....obviously, it wasn't FASHION Rehab.

Kirsten Dunst is seeing stars from the nasty knock to her head that left her thinking this actually looked good!

Barack Obama's platform is all about CHANGE...however, Aubrey O'Day needs to CHANGE this outfit!

Khloe Kardashian may be passing out fliers for cupcakes....but judging by the snug fit of those jeans she's wearing, she's actually advertising for "Muffin Tops"

Winona Ryder dressed better back when she was shoplifting

Do you think Heidi Montag asked Spencer Pratt for fashion advice?

"Spencer? Do you think this outfit makes me look talented?"

You lil' stinker!

2008-10-11T18:59:00.004-04:00

I came home from a meeting in Lansing last Saturday, and, as I turned down my street, I smelled the pungent odor of SKUNK. Living in the city, we tend to get these little urban wildlife visitors now and again. However, when I pulled into the driveway, I realized that my house must have been "Ground Zero".

We've had skunks spray around the area before, but never has it been this bad! Seriously, we had every door and window open in the whole house and my eyes were literally burning and watering.

So throughout the past week, I have been burning candles practically nonstop, spraying copious amounts of room-freshener spray, and spending most of my waking hours on Google trying to find remedies for skunk smell. I've found a number of different suggestions....including, but not limited to, pouring both bleach AND ammonia under the deck at the same time. HELLO???? I kind of like my lungs as they are...I don't need to have them burned and scarred from toxic fumes!

Anyway, as the week progressed, the smell itself stayed fresh and managed to worm its way into my hair and clothes. I could shower every day and by the time I walked out the door? I smelled like skunk! I would be at work and catch a whiff of skunk...and realize that perfume (no matter how expensive it is) will not mask the scent of skunk.

Then our neighbor pointed out that perhaps it wasn't skunk "spray" that we were smelling, but was the actual skunk (as in a rotting, decomposing skunk corpse under our deck emptying its little oil glands). That gave me a serious case of the "icks".

I couldn't stand the thought of a dead skunk body under the deck, so today hubby tore the deck apart and guess what he found?????

Not a damn thing....except he was able to unleash even MORE stench (if that was even possible). So we begin yet another week....and continue to look for ways to rid ourselves of this:

How can something so cute stink so bad???

Judge for yourself....'nuff said

2008-10-09T20:08:00.002-04:00

So I was cruising some of my fave blogs and saw this little ditty on My Two Cents....imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so Chris? Consider yourself flattered!
The rest of you....enjoy!

Let's Recap...Shall We?

2008-10-05T15:42:00.001-04:00

Zumba....aaaaahhhh!

2008-10-01T18:19:00.004-04:00

Has anyone else heard of this fitness craze that's sweeping the nation? I just joined an 8 week class. I went to my first session tonight after work thinking that it would be a GREAT stress reducer given that the imps in my class this year are from hell.
Below is a description of Zumba that I found....The black print is what they claim and the red print is what I claim.

ZUMBA FITNESS

Lets face it, working out can be healthy, rewarding, beneficial (no shit)… working out can be lots of things, but its never been known to be much fun… UNTIL NOW! (Really? FUN exercise? That's about as realistic as me blowing bubbles out of my butt.)

Zumba fuses hypnotic latin rhythms and easy to follow moves (easy to follow? BULL SHIT!)to create a dynamic workout system that will blow you away. (And make you blow your lunch while you're at it.)

Our goal is simple: We want you to want to work out, to love working out, to get hooked. (Not a fucking chance.) Zumba Fanatics achieve long term benefits while experiencing an absolute blast in one exhilarating (crippling) hour of caloric-burning, heart-racing, muscle-pumping, body-energizing, awe-inspiring movements meant to engage and captivate for life! (Or at least for 8 weeks because that's what I paid for.)

The routines feature interval training sessions where fast and slow (did I miss the slow part? I don't recall ANY slow parts) rhythms and resistance training are combined to tone and sculpt your body while burning fat. (It better be doing something along those lines or heads are going to roll! And by the way? I expect IMMEDIATE results!) Add some Latin flavor (this Latin flavor comes by way of MUSIC, not munchies) and international zest into the mix and you've got ZUMBA!

In the past years Zumba has become nothing short of a revolution. (If I don't lose 50 pounds in the next 8 weeks, there's definitely going to be a revolt of some kind.) Coining the concept of "fitness-party" (you say party? I say torture.) and making fitness fun, Zumba has spread like wild-fire, and has positioned itself as the single most influential movement in the industry of fitness.

So I did the full hour, huffing and puffing all the way. I've got knees that are screaming at me right now as I ice them down....and that's even doing some of the moves in "low impact" form. This ZUMBA thing could seriously kick my ass....except I'm too stubborn to ever become ZUMBA's bitch...I will be the one kicking ass, thank you very much.

Sidenote: If, by chance, there are no more posts on this blog...it will because I was totally fronting about kicking ZUMBA's ass and have suffered massive cardiac arrest.

This is Me...

2008-09-26T17:54:00.004-04:00

This is Me most days (thanks to modern-day chemistry)

This is ME after this past week at school with a bunch of 7 year olds whom I firmly expect to see on America's Most Wanted: Future Inmates of America...

It's not that I believe in or support Capital Punishment and the Death Penalty....I'm just saying that after the week I've just had, I'd like to have some options.

Papa Is a Rolling Stone....

2008-09-22T16:58:00.004-04:00

It would seem that even though I claimed that I wasn't going to get all 'political' on my blog...apparently I lied.

My dad sent me this link....thought it was interesting!
Thanks for sharing, Daddy-o!!!

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/23140513/the_truth_about_sarah_palin/1

Let Me Get This Straight...

2008-09-20T20:09:00.002-04:00

I received this in email form and thought I'd share!

I'm a little confused. Let me see if I have this figured out:

* If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're considered"exotic, different."
* Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you're considered a quintessential American story.

* If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
* Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.

* Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well-grounded.

*If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 2 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.

* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your broken and disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.

* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
* If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible.

* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.
* If your husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

OK...much clearer now.

...And Now It's Official!!!

2008-09-16T20:24:00.005-04:00

So it's September 16th and IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!
I had a spectacular day and have enjoyed this birthday immensely! I can't wait for next year to experience this extravaganza all over again!!!

These gorgeous flowers were delivered to me at work today! And that is always a plus for me!!! Hubby said that our cat, Roameo, saved his allowance to pay for them.

My sister-in-law, Weasel, gave me this fabulous sticker to wear today!

One of my students gave me a pink kitty that "Meows" when you press its paw!

Some of my friends at school delivered cards and prezzies to me first thing in the morning!

And I think this particular gift pretty much sums it all up:

Three Times the Charm!

2008-09-14T18:39:00.005-04:00

....and we're on to Day Three of the Birthday Bonanza!!!!

Today was spent with my mom, sister, brother-in-law, nephew, and Hubby! I missed my niece being there, but she's busy studying at college (I think)!

Moom (that's what I call my mom) made super yummy spaghetti 'cause Italian food is my all-time favorite. She used to make me cheesey lasagna every year, but ever since I found out I'm Lactose Intolerant, I'm S.O.L. when it comes to thick and gooey Italian entrees.

After that....it was cards and gifties time!!!!!!!!!!!!

The cards are all about being a DIVA...who? Me???

I got a GREAT corduroy blazer/jacket from my mom and some very cool home decor from my sister, brother-in-law, & nephew.

It was an AWESOME day!!!!!!

Birhtday Bonanza: Part Deux

2008-09-13T22:18:00.007-04:00

As part of the on-going celebration that is my birthday, we went out to dinner with our friends, Mike & Sandy (I call her Sangria). We had a delicious meal at Johnny Carino's...even though our waitress kinda sucked.

Mike and Sandy

Me & Hubby...mmm, Birthday Bellini!

After enjoying a yummy cocktail concoction and some casual conversation, the presentation of the prezzies began!!!!

Cute Birthday card telling me how FABULOUS I am!

(Do I sound a wee bit narcissistic???)

A big ol' bottomless bag of "Birthday Boot-ay"!!!!!!

Following is a sampling of some of the gifties that were found inside!

One can never have enough pink!!!

Pens shaped like lipstick??? What will they think of next?

Can't wait to see what this smells like!

Not HELLO KITTY....it's COFFEE KITTY!

Another fabulously fun evening spent with friends, food, and presents!!!! And my actual day isn't even here yet!!!!

Are you sick of my birthday yet???

I'M NOT!!!!!!!

And So It Begins....

2008-09-13T13:10:00.006-04:00

My Birthday Bonanza has begun! My "official" day is September 16, but I pretty much take on the whole month!!! I have no pride or shame, and will advertise my birthday to whomever, wherever, and whenever I can (this maximizes "Present Potential"). I'll be celebrating my 42nd year this go 'round, and I couldn't be more excited!!! I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! (I'm very mature for my age, no???)
Last night we spent a fabulously fun evening with our friends, Scott and Robin, and had the BEST time going out to dinner, drinking, and doing karaoke. But the HIGHLIGHT of the evening was the birthday cake and PRESENTS that were absolutely AWESOME!!!!

Check it out!

Blow Out the Candles...show a little cleavage!

It's HELLO KITTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELLO KITTY Gel Pens!!!!!!!!!!

HELLO KITTY Magnetic Photo Frame!!!!!!

I couldn't unwrap them fast enough!!!!

OMG!!!! HELLO KITTY Tupperware!!!!!

Now I can bathe with HELLO KITTY!!!!!!!!!

I was in HELLO KITTY Heaven!!!!!!!!!

Me & The Fabulous Miss R, who made my birthday so incredibly spectacular!!!!

Stay tuned....because if you can't get enough of MY BIRTHDAY (as I clearly cannot), there will be more shameless self-promotion to come! Yay ME!!!!

If I Had a Nickel For Every TIme....

2008-09-05T18:13:00.003-04:00

I'm not going to talk politics or anything on this blog....BUT, ever since McCain publicly announced Sarah Palin as his running mate, I have had approximately a billion people telling me that she and I look alike.

Now, it's not that I'd be totally opposed to that, because in all honesty? I do think she's got pretty features. And she did the whole Alaskan Pageant Circuit and won Miss Congeniality. So, I'm okay with those comparisons.

HOWEVER, I am 'over the top' opposed to McCain, and so being compared to his potential VeeP feels kinda icky.

It's September...do you know what that means???

2008-09-01T18:43:00.003-04:00

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's September First.....and that means that my BIRTHDAY MONTH has started!!!!!

Seriously....it's my birthday MONTH. When people ask me when my birthday is, I always say, "September."

And when they say, "September what?", I respond with a very witty, "September."

I don't know very many people, other than my friend, The Fabulous Miss J, who absolutely LOVES his/her birthday more than I do. My sister runs pretty high on that one too. But she doesn't hoard the whole month like I do.

SO....just to make things clear....IT'S MY BIRTHDAY (MONTH)!!!!!!!!! And yes...yes I do accept presents....even from strangers. In fact, I not only accept gifties, I actually EXPECT gifties.

I will NEVER utter the words, "Your friendship is gift enough." Because it's not. Hey...I'm just being honest.

I mean, I love my friends dearly. They all know that and one of the reasons they are such good friends of mine is because they truly understand that I REQUIRE gifts.

And when Hubby threw me the bestest 40th Birthday Party a couple of years ago (Hello Kitty themed!), he didn't even bother to put on the invitations "Gifts aren't required" because that would have been a bold-faced lie. And everyone who was invited to this elite party (I think he sent out 40+ invitations...more people in attendance equals more prezzies) knew me well enough to just laugh off that pathetic little attempt at being gracious even if he had.

And I love that my birthday comes around again every year!!!!!!!! And yes...I'm aware that everybody has a birthday once a year....but mine is still extra special...because IT'S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!! It should be a holiday and printed on those stupid little Hallmark Pocket Calendars.

(And if you still don't get that I want presents, just email me and I'll give you the address to which you can send them!)

Something Tells Me This Isn't Grey's Anatomy...

2008-08-31T20:24:00.008-04:00

I admit it....I'm a Grey's fan.
Love. It.
Obsessed with cool people donning hospital garb, casual ponytails, pushed up sleeves, and skull caps that accentuate their perfect, chisled features.

But the hospitals here in Grand Rapids do nothing for me. There are no cool people bustling about trying to get into my hospital room because I've got the "perfect case to study". Nope. I'm a loser in a loser hospital.

Flashback to my previous post.

That happened on Wednesday night.

This happened on Thursday night: OMG! OMG! OMG! I'M IN AGONY! OMG! OMG! OMG! I THINK I'M GOING TO PUKE! OMG! OMG! OMG! MY FEVER IS 102 DEGREES????? ISN'T THAT LIKE THE TEMPERATURE IN HELL???? OMG! OMG! OMG!

So.....I've been in the hospital since the wee hours Friday morning. I MIGHT get discharged tomorrow (just found out today that I'm allowed to have my laptop here, not that I would have been up for it until now). Hubby brought me back up to ER Friday morning because of abdominal pain, high fever, nausea, migraine-like headache, and kidney pain. They ended up admitting me and I've been on the Digestive Diseases ward ever since.

They did about a gajillion tests (some were repeats and threepeats of my visit to the ER two night prior) and have determined that I don't have: gallbladder stones/disease, pancreatitis, cancer of the liver or other digestive organs, worms (eeew!), or meningitis (apparently a concern because of the neck/head pain). The kidney pain was most likely due to the urinary tract infection that I had and it just happened to coincide with the timing of this GastroIntestinal issue. It's not an ulcer again either, thankfully!!!! I'm supposed to do a follow-up with my regular doctor to see if I have some kind of dietary disease along the lines of Celiac (See-lee-ack) or something even more wonderful. Just last summer I was told that I'm Lactose Intolerant. Now I'm supposed to voluntarily submit myself to tests that will determine if I'm ever allowed to eat wheat or gluten again? What do they take me for? A complete idiot who enjoys suffering???? (And by suffering, I mean being told that I have to eat yucca, tofu, and other bizarre sounding things that are supposed to take the sting out of giving up yummy stuff like pasta, bread, and the occasional Sugar Babies).

No matter what the source of the problem is, I appear to have some major digestive issues....all of these fall under the umbrella of "Gastritis" (which is NOT a term for 'having toot issues', so quit giggling). The doc here at the hospital thinks it is related back to my getting sooooo sick down in S. Carolina and that perhaps I was exposed to a nasty infection that was/is still running its course. Since I wasn't ever treated for it, it never cleared up on its own.

Anyway....the Gastro-Intestinal Guru reappears tomorrow morning and is supposed to give me the a-okay to leave. They finally allowed me to eat for the first time since noon on Thursday. I got a really yummy meal....unsalted mashed potatoes, unsalted steamed vegetables, grape juice, plain lettuce, and a roll. If I manage to not die after eating that or eating breakfast tomorrow morning, than I'm supposed to be able to go home.

It's not been terrible here....I've had the room all to myself the whole time and have been hooked up to I.V. fluids, and have been given Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y narcotics, anti-nausea, anti-biotics, and constant monitoring of my blood pressure.

It's even been a little amusing for me because I have pretty low blood pressure and body temperature normally (for me...105/60 is normal b.p. and my temp is usually 97.2). So with all of the narcotics and no food, my bp has slowed waaaaay down. The little Nursing Newbies who are assigned to check your bp/temp/pulserate vitals every hour have about fallen over each other having cardiac arrests whenever they leave my room! They keep thunking the machine and apologizing for having to take my bp over. At first, I was in such a drug-induced wasteland that I didn't realize what was happening (I actually had a conversation about my tattoo with a nurse....hello???? I don't freaking HAVE a tattoo!!!). But today, I realized what was happening and let the little bugger off easy by explaining that I have low b.p. He was completely freaking because the last reading that he took was 89/54...I'm practically dead!!!!! He didn't know what he'd done wrong!

Hope to get home tomorrow. Just in time to get myself mentally prepared for the school year to start and a new set of stresses to begin. Keep your fingers crossed....I may be able to add Bleeding Ulcer to my list of G.I. problems!!!!!!!

The Unimitigated Gall!!!

2008-08-28T19:46:00.003-04:00

To my handful of readers.....I apologize for not having posted in awhile. I've been working like a mad-woman up at school preparing my classroom for a new group of students. I've also been sitting in a three-day inservice called Capturing Kids Hearts which turned out to be really good. I was pleasantly surprised because I went into the training thinking to myself, "What are they going to teach me in three days that I don't already know or do? I'm an awesome teacher! I could be working in my classroom right now rather than sitting through this." Turns out, it was well worth my time!
HOWEVER....I've been dealing with major stomach/upper abdomen pain for the past few days (and off/on ever since I got sick down in S. Carolina) and have been eating TUMS by the handful. I made an appt. to see my doctor on Friday, but when my Hubby got home from his inservice yesterday, I was lying in bed in tears because my tummy area hurt so damn bad. He took me up to the ER (which I don't really like to do because I don't want to treat an ER like a 'quick fix' to going to the doctor).
As soon as I sat down with a nurse and told him what I was experiencing, his first words were, "Sounds like your gallbladder." That exact same comment was made by two more nurses and the ER doctor. So, I was given several drugs via the I.V....one of them being morphine (oooh....happy buzz!). Three hours later and an ultrasound and I was told, "Your gallbladder is contracted, but we didn't see any gallstones."
To which I responded (pulling myself up through the fog of my morphine riddled mind), "So my gallbladder is okay?"
And the doctor said again, "We didn't find any stones."
And I replied, "So it's not my gallbladder causing this?"
And the doctor said, "We didn't find any stones."
She went on to tell me that I still needed to visit my doctor on Friday for more follow-up (maybe he'll explain the whole contracted gallbladder business) and that I need to take a prescription home for pain, for nausea, and an anti-biotic.
"Why do I need an anti-biotic?"
"Because you have a Urinary Tract Infection."
"Could that be causing my pain?"
"No. It's unrelated to your gallbladder."
"So the pain is coming from my gallbladder?"
"We didn't find any stones."

GAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

A Difference in Definitions

2008-08-21T13:29:00.002-04:00

I went shopping for new clothes, which I typically LOVE to do.

Hubby: Did you find anything good?

Me: Nope.

Hubby: What's in the shopping bag?

Me: A couple of things I picked up.

Hubby: I thought you said you didn't find anything good.

Me: I didn't. These are things that are 'okay'. Something 'good' would mean that it made me look 20 pounds lighter and was in a size or two smaller.

End of conversation.

Gittin' Buggy Wid It

2008-08-17T20:19:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure what this thing is, but apparently it approves of my latest reading material. It's a real page-turner (the book, I mean...not the bug)!

Final Day of Vacation

2008-08-15T10:44:00.006-04:00

After surviving the plague that hit our beach house, we spent the rest of the time avoiding the abundance of jellyfish that were coming into the shallower waters. Five of us (not me, thankfully) were stung by one of these beasties.

My poor niece actually had one go down the back of her bathing suit bottom and up the front...she got stung on her butt and in her "lady bits". After hearing that, I made up my mind that I would most definitely NOT be going back into the water. I heard the comment, "Somebody pee on me quick!" more than once!

So we went shopping and sight-seeing instead. Hubby wanted to see the U.S.S. Yorktown that is permanently anchored in Charleston.

On a scale of 1-10, this particular vacation gets a 6.5. The beach house was beautiful, it was truly WONDERFUL to see so many family members, and spending time together to create new memories was great. But the vomiting and jellyfish definitely put a damper on things!

We Interrupt this Vacation Posting for a Very Important Announcement

2008-08-13T15:32:00.000-04:00

And then the BLIGHT hit...

2008-08-11T16:09:00.006-04:00

On days 2 and 3 of our week at Folly Beach, S.C. our house and family were hit with a BAD bug. Apparently, unbeknownst to some members of our family, they were carrying a virus with them as they traveled to meet up with everyone. In a house where, at any time throughout the day, up to 30 people were present, this pestulance spread like wildfire.

Some were hit with bouts of EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA and felt like shit (no pun intended) for about 24 hours. Others of us were hit with VIOLENT VOMITING and felt like puke (no pun intended) for over 48 hours and are still recuperating.

The sounds of feet slapping their way down the hallway to the nearest bathroom and vomit splashing on the wood flooring became 'status quo' for the rest of the week, and were greeted with moans of "Oh no, another victim has been claimed!"

My 16-year old nephew and I got hit with it on the same night, and we spent the entire next day in bed suffering from extreme kidney/lower back pain, headaches, severe nausea, and very sore stomach muscles. He and I both tend to be competitive in all walks of our lives, so while we were wishing for death to come to us swiftly, we were also taking a perverse pride in the fact that we held 1st and 2nd place for the number of times we threw up. I got the Blue Ribbon for vomiting 15 times in an 8 hour period, and my nephew got the Red Ribbon for vomiting 13 times in a 9 hour period. Obviously, we'd pretty much emptied our stomach contents on the first couple of visits to the porcelain throne, but that didn't lessen the degree of the full-body heaving we were both succombing to. In fact, at one point it felt like I had turned myself inside out.

We also both ran fevers that ransacked our bodies with uncontrollable shaking (the bed was rattling) and chattering teeth that made a sound like vegetables being chopped. It was awful!

He has since recuperated for the most part. I'm still battling queasiness whenever I eat something, and I must have really aggravated my gall bladder with all of my retching because I get pains in that region whenever I eat as well.

My sister and my hubby were both wonderful nurse-attendants who gave up their own 'fun-in-the-sun' in order to care for us. Hubby even took pictures to record this momentous event of our vacation.

First Day at the Beach House

2008-08-10T10:52:00.006-04:00

Our first day at the BEAUTIFUL Beach House was pretty calm....lots of 'catching up' with family, sitting out on the deck enjoying the sun and reading, sipping cocktails, and taking walks on the beach.

Beach House

Hubby crossing the dune

Hubby and Me on our walk along the beach

My brother's little boy....

have you ever seen a cuter baby??

Me & My Nephew

Chillin' with Cocktails & Catching Up with Everyone

Vacation Slides Part One

2008-08-09T17:39:00.006-04:00

We're back from the beautiful Palmetto State of South Carolina! It was a fun week with major 'highs' and some major 'lows'....just like the tides!

I didn't actually take a TON of pictures like I'd anticipated doing, but I'm still going to dedicate the next few posts to sharing the sights and experiences. So stay tuned....

This first installment will feature the gorgeous ocean-front beach house that we stayed in! BIG thanks to my dad and step-mom for renting this incredible vacation home so that we could all enjoy being sea-side for a week. The house is called "Robinini By the Sea" and here are a few photos:

Beach Side

Road Side

Living Room

Living Room

Kitchen

Kitchen

Dining Area

Stairs leading to Second Floor

One of the Six bedrooms

Hallway Bunks for the Younger Cousins

One of the Five Bathrooms

Sitting Room area off of the Master Suite

Every morning we awoke to the light of day filtering in through the windows, the sounds of the surf, and the "Folly Beach Airforce" (pelicans) flying over head. It was spectacular!

I Wish I Was in Dixie!

2008-07-31T19:49:00.005-04:00

We're heading down below the ol' Mason/Dixon line to spend a week with my family on Folly Beach, South Carolina. It's part of the greater Charleston area, and my dad is renting a gigantic beach house right on the ocean for us to stay in. It's going to be scads of fun!!! Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Sisters, Brothers, Nieces, Nephews, and all of their children will be either staying with us or dropping by every day.
We'll be lying out in the sun getting all golden and bronze. We'll be reading loads of books and listening to great music. We'll be consuming LOTS of alcohol...my brother owns a bar in St. Louis and he is supplying us with our 'choice of poison'. We'll be boogie-boarding and body-surfing and bobbing around in the waves while trying to avoid riptides and undertows.
Personally, I will be squealing loudly every single time something touches me underwater.
(you may want to revisit #10 on this particular entry from one of my 100 Things About Jewelz posts). I will be looking everywhere for signs of beasties that might eat me and dodging poop from the pelicans flying overhead. I will be complaining about the sand that gets into every oriface. I will be applying aloe vera to my inevitable sunburn. And it's going to be GREAT....I can't wait!
I will also be taking tons of pictures which I will then use as blogposts for the next couple of weeks after I return.

Yet another stolen post

2008-07-30T20:31:00.002-04:00

Once again, I thank Chris over at My 2 Cents, who stole it from someone else.

You know how it works. Copy the list. Bold the things you’ve done.

1. Bought everyone in the pub/bar a drink
2. Climbed a mountain
3. Held a tarantula.
4. Taken a morning shower with your man
5. Been in love
6. Broken someone’s heart
7. Had your heart broken
8. Done a striptease
9. Bungee jumped
10. Watched a lightning storm at sea
11. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sun rise
12. Seen the Northern Lights
13. Gone to a huge sports game
14. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
15. Slept under the stars
16. Changed a baby’s diaper
17. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
18. Watched a meteor shower
19. Gotten drunk on champagne
20. Given money to charity
21. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
22. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst
23. Had a food fight
24. Bet on a winning horse
25. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
26. Had a snowball fight
27. Photocopied your butt or any other intimate body part
28. Held a lamb
29. Gone skinny dipping
30. Taken an ice cold shower
31. Seen a total eclipse
32. Ridden a roller coaster
33. Hit a home run
34. Been arrested
35. Visited all 50 states
36. Taken care of someone who was drunk
37. Stolen a street/highway sign
38. Backpacked in Europe
39. Taken a road-trip
40. Taken a midnight walk on the beach
41. Gone sky diving
42. Milked a cow
43. Alphabetized your cd's
44. Sung karaoke
45. Lounged around in bed all day
46. Gone scuba diving
47. Danced in the rain
48. Gone to a drive-in theater
49. Started a business
50. Gotten married
51. Been in a movie
52. Crashed a party
53. Gotten divorced
54. Had sex in an unusual place (define unusual)
55. Made cookies from scratch
56. Gotten a tattoo
57. Been on television
58. Had sex a public place
59. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything
60. Recorded music
61. Had too much to drink at a party
62. Bought a house
63. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
64. Been on a cruise ship
65. Spoken more than one language fluently
66. Bounced a check
67. Called or written your Congress person
68. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
69. Sang loudly by yourself in the car
70. Wrote articles for a large publication
71. Piloted an airplane
72. Helped an animal give birth
73. Been fired or laid off from a job
74. Won money on a T.V. game show
75. Broken a bone
76. Ridden a motorcycle
77. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
78. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
79. Ridden a horse
80. Had major surgery
81. Had sex on a moving train
82. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
83. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
84. Visited all 7 continents
85. Eaten sushi
86. Had your picture in the newspaper
87. Parasailed
88. Changed your name
89. Dyed your hair
90. Been a DJ (at a radio station, not a club dj)

After doing this, I realized that I haven't been very daring in the ol' sexual arena....no unusual places, no public places, and not on a moving train. I'll have to rectify that!!!